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Meditation/Life / what happened??


About me,
* I am James
* male
* 21 years old
* Aquarius.
* Native Buddhist
* Asian

*I started Mindfulness meditation again.

* I also do "Om Mani Padme Hum" mantra recite.
I may recite it more than 200 per day.
Which purify negative karma.

* I am not much religious person,
But I started those things to change my life.
I was born Unhappy and my life is not happy one.
I need to be changed , that is why I do those things.

NOW attention to my Question.  :)

After meditating for 2 months I stopped it because I was afraid much that I will lost attraction from females. Now I am doing it again because I have mental disorders (social phobia and sad and etc).

I need to know after meditation for one month I realized that I like females from White race and I like much now. I never had Girl friend and I do not like..I really did not know why..

Now I only like white females.

Is there something related to my life and meditation ??
Why Do I like females from Race white very much. This happened after meditation.I did Alpha and theta meditation (Brain waves)

** I am Asian..Now White.

I do not know how this happened..I just liked after with time and I realized that I like to help world.

Please tell me something.

I saw you are polite much.
That is why I asking from you.

If this is not suitable for you please delete this question and forgive me and tell me where should I ask this question from.

I think this related to meditation and life and spirituality.

Thank you :)

Dear James,

I am afraid I don't have answers for you. It sounds like there is some confusion and sadness in your life. All of us have confusion and sadness but for some people the sadness may be in your mind most of the time.

I don't know if the sadness has something to do with wanting closeness with another person, such as the interest in women. You also say that you have some social phobia. Maybe you are uncomfortable with other people for some reason. Maybe you are afraid of what they will think of you or maybe there are some other reasons. So, naturally if you feel separated from other people, you will also feel a strong need to connect with other people. It's like someone who is unable to eat will naturally become hungrier and hungrier, in crazy ways. If a person has food and is able to eat normally, that person will not worry too much about food and will not think about it obsessively.

The usual way that most people use the mind most of the time is outward - thinking about things and people. In that way of thinking, we cannot know ourselves because all of our thoughts are outward and trying to do something about our life. For me, meditation is the chance to look inward.  That is the only way to know myself.

If you repeat a meditation phrase over and over, I don't know how you can observe yourself. I think such a meditation cannot clear up any karma because you cannot see the karma that is happening right now as you repeat your mantra. If you disagree with my opinion, then simply watch what is happening as you repeat your mantra. Watch what happens when you stop. When you stop, do you then become more aware of your whole body and what is around you? If so, then this is what you lose when you simply repeat a phrase over and over.

You can watch yourself all of the time, in meditation and outside of meditation. What are your motives? What are your feelings? Are you in touch with the world around you or are you defending yourself against the world around you? Observe carefully what is happening without trying to change anything. Just find out what is honestly happening right now. It doesn't have to make sense. If you become confused or upset, then take time to sit quietly and do not interfere with what is happening inside you. Let your life inside yourself speak to you.

When you do  mindfulness meditation, also see if you are spending your time concentrating on something, like your breath. How can you feel what is going on or be aware of your whole self if you are concentrating? You can experiment with it.  When  you concentrate, part of what is happening in that moment gets pushed away.

It might be helpful for you to find a meditation center that has a simple approach and does not get too confused with ideas of concentrating or repeating mantras. You may have to visit many places to find a place that is simple. But your only goal is to know yourself and what you are unfolds every minute. You only have to start paying attention to it and to be very, very patient.

Best wishes,


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Jay Cutts


From nearly 30 years of personal meditative work, I am interested in exploring together the deeper concerns of our lives. How can we shed light on these concerns for ourselves - directly, clearly, moment by moment? At the same time, how can we come in touch with the simple beauty and affection of live that reveals itself from time to time even though our lives often feel anything but simple, beautiful or loving. If you have a question, I will try to work with you to clarify and explore it. Note that I change private questions to public so they are available to others. If you have something that is truly private, let me know.


Close to 35 yrs experience in spiritual, meditative inquiry, first in the Zen tradition and later through direct inquiry rather than traditional practice. I have attended retreats and worked with Toni Packer, of the Springwater (NY) Center for Meditative Inquiry and am interested in the work of J. Krishnamurti, who also worked with people in direct, personal meditative inquiry.

BA Linguistics University of Michigan MA Special Education University of New Mexico

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