Mind Games/confused


Hi! I've been dating an old friend of mine for the past 4 months. At first, he was really sweet and all then suddenly something has changed. He became cold and distant. When I asked him, he said that he's really not a commitment type of guy and he just wants us to be friends.

We still keep in touch like nothing has changed but we are no longer intimate. I jut don't understand why he's still keeping me. I'm so confused what should I do?

Hi Johanna (I'm assuming the name listed was a typo)!

Well, the answer to your question is pretty simple and straightforward - but that doesn't necessarily mean it's easy.  All decisions essentially fall under one of three categories:

1. Complain: this is what most people do.  It's the easiest but least fulfilling choice.  Rather than do something, most often people choice to vocalize their frustrations, which sometimes will help you release them but, more often than not, just exacerbates them.

2. Accept: this is a better often, and often more practical than the other two.  You can take a more passive route, accept what happened and work on yourself: your attitudes, your thoughts and your feelings about the matter.  While this path may not get you exactly what you want this time, it is often a very mature choice and can build patience and understanding.  Often when your problem involves another person who has conflicting desires, this is the best choice.

3. Do: finally you can make a more active decision to try and do something about the situation.  If the issue is important enough to you and you feel you make be able to cause a change, this is often the best path to take.  But don't mistake this choice for ramming your head into a brick wall; if it is not important enough to you or if it is a matter that you can't change, then the second choice may be better.  But this choice will help you build risk tolerance and make you a more assertive person, which can be useful in the future.

Ultimately, what you do is up to you.  You are the best evaluator of what is going on.  Whatever you choice, I hope things work out!  They usually do, in the long run.

Mind Games

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Besides having an immensely powerful sense of intuition, I am also currently studying (and having been privately studying for years) psychology, and grew up with around psychology and psychologists. I've read considerably in regards to biology, evolutionary biology, genetics, behavior therapy, conditioning and personality. There is almost no human pattern that does not make sense to me (but I'll admit, the opposite sex is a tricky subject!). If someone's behavior makes absolutely no sense to you, I'll be able to help you figure it out, and even give you suggestions on how to deal with it.


As mentioned above, currently studying psychology, a psychology-influenced upbringing, plus countless hours of giving people advice on the behavior of others.

Currently studying Psychology at the California Coastal College.

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