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Mind Games/What game is she playing


So my highschool sweetheart and i have been separated for a long while now. Since 2007 to be exact. Over the last year or two i would hit her up when she was back from school and ask to chill. Sometimes she would respond sometimes she wouldnt. About a year ago she finally agreed to get a drink with me. She would blow the plans off last minute. That summer she did hang out with me a few times. We got drinks,  talked and flirted. At one point she even sent me a text saying she wanted to **** me. Then she stopped talking to me all together. Then a few weeks ago she hit me up on her own and we talked through text. She sent me a picture captioned "no more boyfriend". Then she stopped again. She texts back sometimes when i hit her up, sometimes not. I asked her when we were going to chill. She said hopefully soon. Then i said "ill hold you too that"  she replied. "i prefer to be tied up ;-)". Its has always been a pattern like .  Its a game. But what game? How do i get her to want me?

Hey Shawn!

Oh, this is definitely a game.  In fact, this is probably one of the rare cases when the behavior that was described for me actually was a game, rather than a misunderstanding.

Basically, you don't have to get her to want you.  She already does.  The trouble is, she wants you when she wants you, not when you want her, and that's the essence of the game.  It's a genius game because, whether or not she's aware of it, it plays on a man's ego and drive.  Think about it: what is the best way to stimulate wanting in someone?  Make sure they can't have what they want.  Nothing drives us crazier or makes us more determined to get it, especially when there's always a little hint that maybe we could have it.  That's what makes this a game, rather than just random behavior; she's got the balancing act down to an art.

Another thing you must realize is something I was taught awhile ago when I was more into the game that stuck with me: Bring to mind how great it feels to get laid.  Now hold on to that feeling.  Got it?  That's how girls feel when they get ATTENTION.  I know it may seem counter-intuitive; attention doesn't actually bring about the same physical stimulation, but that assumption means that you are incorrectly conflating male sexual arousal with female sexual arousal.  Women aren't looking for the same thing men are when they interact with the opposite sex; they're looking for how much commitment - not necessarily relationship-wise - they can get out of a man.  That gives a euphoric sense of power.

So what does this matter?  Well, look at what she's doing with you: talking, texting, getting the occasional drink with you.  She makes plans and then welches on them, knowing you're willing to keep up the communication with her.  She then offers non-committal responses and you acquiesce.  She's getting ATTENTION from you, and I'm guessing mountains of it.  All without really having to do anything for you.

Really, there's only two things you can do:

1. Do what most guys do: keep playing by her rules and hope you get lucky.  This may work, and it's lower risk, but costs a lot more time and energy.  Is it worth it?

2. Save yourself the time and energy and take a high risk action: cut her off and, if she comes back, get down to business.  Be absolutely straight about what you want and don't tolerate anything less.  If she doesn't give it to you, end it.  End it not because that's what will "work", but because there's way too much else available out there to be wasting your time with these petty games.

Anyway, hope that helped.  I'm guessing you're young which means you've got a lot of life and experiences and girls ahead of you.  Do your best to make the most of it.

Mind Games

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Besides having an immensely powerful sense of intuition, I am also currently studying (and having been privately studying for years) psychology, and grew up with around psychology and psychologists. I've read considerably in regards to biology, evolutionary biology, genetics, behavior therapy, conditioning and personality. There is almost no human pattern that does not make sense to me (but I'll admit, the opposite sex is a tricky subject!). If someone's behavior makes absolutely no sense to you, I'll be able to help you figure it out, and even give you suggestions on how to deal with it.


As mentioned above, currently studying psychology, a psychology-influenced upbringing, plus countless hours of giving people advice on the behavior of others.

Currently studying Psychology at the California Coastal College.

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