Mind Games/CONFUSED.


Hi, thank you for taking the time to read this!

I have been seeing a 20 year old girl now for three weeks. I am 24. I met her at a coffee shop and we starting seeing each other after I had asked her out. We were both fairly awkward. She didn't make it to my show so she went out of her way to give me her number over Facebook. Anyway, we've been seeing each other fairly consistently now and on the second most recent date we went to her place and ended up making out. Now throughout this whole time she was very enthusiastic with me and eager to get to know me. We've gone on one other date since then and now she is being very hot and cold. When it came to planning everything she cancelled and then re-scheduled the date three different times. It felt like she was super conflicted. I just played it cool and didn't want to pressure her in anyway so I just let her be until she felt ready to hang out again. I did one VERY stupid thing. Without even thinking of the gravity of the question I asked her to this family dinner thing. I felt like it wasn't a big deal because of how I asked, but I guess it jarred her in someway. We ended up seeing each other anyway again after this and it was probably the best date yet! We went back to her place again, watched a movie...and she fell asleep on my lap. We didn't end up kissing this time around though, because I felt like she was conflicted by the time I was getting ready to leave.

Now I left her alone for the next couple of days. About two days in I texted her asking if she wanted to go out to a movie she wanted to see that weekend. She told me she can't see me (again, like last time), but this time it's for two weeks. I was a little put off, wasn't assuming the worst though, even though it was a little strange. I just said "OK! Let me know when you want to hang out and we'll get together again!"
She almost seemed relieved. So at this point I've pretty much prepared myself for the worst, but out of no where she starts initiating text convos, asking me how I'm doing, how's my day...but she still seems a little standoffish. I mean, if she wanted me gone don't you think she would avoid me completely? I really really like this girl, but I don't know if I'm wasting my time and should move on or confront her or what? I feel very conflicted because it seems like any move outside of waiting patiently is automatically disastrous, yet waiting doesn't seem effective whatsoever either.

What do you think I should do here?!

Great question!

I hate to admit it: This is one of the most confusing things about women.  Don't get me wrong, I love women and I feel like I understand them pretty well at this stage in my life, but no matter how many times this happens to me or my friends, it makes me cringe.  LOL

I think you handled it pretty well, overall, certainly better than most men would have.  What you need to bear in mind at all times is WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL CREATURES.  Even as a man we can somewhat understand how wildly and inexplicably moods shift from time to time.  The only difference is that these shifts are ALL-IMPORTANT to women; women base their decisions and perspectives on them.  Is that a good thing or bad thing?  Who knows?  Who cares?  But that is the way it is.

The good side of this is that a lot of times when you are "rejected" by a woman IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.  You are not an omnipotent superhero who can control her feelings, so don't blame yourself.  The best you can do is stay cool: nothing is more attractive to a woman.  After all, if your mood was in the gutter, what would you prefer, someone in a stable mood or someone whose mood was apt to be as bad as yours?

This would explain the sudden resurgence of text messages after you left her alone.  You demonstrated that you are a cool, collected man who can handle a woman's fluctuating moods; the kind of man most girls want!

All women's moods fluctuate, I don't care how mature or intelligent she is and I don't care how attractive the man is.  Really, it only comes down to two things:
1. How much fluctuation are YOU willing to accept?
2. How much do you like this girl?

Really, every time you consider a girl, it comes down to those two things: what do YOU like and what are YOU not willing to tolerate?  If you know that, you'll know what to do about this girl.

Hope that helps!

Mind Games

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Besides having an immensely powerful sense of intuition, I am also currently studying (and having been privately studying for years) psychology, and grew up with around psychology and psychologists. I've read considerably in regards to biology, evolutionary biology, genetics, behavior therapy, conditioning and personality. There is almost no human pattern that does not make sense to me (but I'll admit, the opposite sex is a tricky subject!). If someone's behavior makes absolutely no sense to you, I'll be able to help you figure it out, and even give you suggestions on how to deal with it.


As mentioned above, currently studying psychology, a psychology-influenced upbringing, plus countless hours of giving people advice on the behavior of others.

Currently studying Psychology at the California Coastal College.

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