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Mind Games/Im in love with my dad's friend


I really don't know what to do, I have a big problem .First of all Im 16 years old and I like one of my dad's friends.He lives near me and he is married and has a child.I feel bad when Im thinking about his wife or his son , but I can't control it .
I know him since I was a litlle girl , but I've never thought about him like that..
What made me like him even more is the fact that everytime he sees me he has a dumb look on his face, I can tell he want me so bad which is normal caz Im tall , blonde ,skinny , green eyes etc ...what Im trying to say is that Im really good looking I know it sounds narcissistic, but it's true.
He is 37 or 38 I think and the age is not a problem for me caz I only date men over 30s I don't really know why ..Every girl from my class or my school dates guys at the same age and they tell me I should do the same and I know I should but I just can't Im not attracted to this young boys and sometimes Im thinking that maybe something's wrong with me .I want a man who can take good care of me, teach me everything I should know ,I want somebody that I could grow up with and I know I shouldn't but it is what it is.
Now Im thinking about this man every day and I know he likes me too it's so obvios, everybody could tell by the way he stares at me and smiles, but I don't really know if he is the kind of guy that would act on it or he just like to flirt.
My question is what should I do? How can I get with him without being a homewrecking slut and Why am I attracted to this kind of men I always fall for dads or married men or my dad's friends , I like mature guys , I had a boyfriend that I used to call ''daddy'' but anyways This is a psychological thing and Im trying to find out what is wrong with me ?so please tell me what should I do , Brian ?

Hey Nikki!

That's quite a dilemma you have there.

First, let me start out by telling you that it is perfectly natural to be attracted to older men.  Most women are.

However, just because a certain feeling is natural does not mean it's necessarily a good idea to act on it.

It's important to be aware of why you might be feeling this way and what might result if you act on this feeling.

There are several possibilities as to why you are attracted to men who are so much older than you, and it depends on a lot of factors.  For instance, many girls who were victims of sexual abuse when they were very young develop these feelings.  Often these feelings are strongly sexual instead of romantic.  If you think this may be the case, the best thing you can consider doing is seeking professional help.  It may be embarrassing to do so, but this is not the type of problem that just goes away on its own, and it certainly won't go away by fulfilling the fantasy.

Another possibility is that you are seeking a "replacement" for a father figure.  Often when girls do not have a good relationship with their father or if their father is not present, they will unconsciously seek out another "father figure" (an older man) to replace him.  In this case, the feelings are generally less sexual and more romantic, but this is still an issue that will not necessarily be solved by making this fantasy a reality.

Finally, it could simply be a case of maturity.  Girls generally mature earlier and faster than boys, which means that girls generally prefer older men who tend to be more mature.  Some girls simply mature faster than other girls, and this may be the case for you.  If so, they will tend to want men who are older than the men their friends like.

I'm not sure which one will apply to you, but no matter what the case, please bear this in mind: the men who reciprocate these feelings are probably not the best for you anyway.  Why?  Consider the mind of a 30-something year old mind who actively pursues high school girls.  What is he probably looking for?  A serious relationship?  Probably not.  More likely he is looking for an unhealthy fantasy in which he has control of you, which is a reflection of immaturity, something you probably don't want in a man.  Is this really the kind of man you want to experience romance with?

Right now I assume this is just a fantasy.  The reality is probably that men of that age who would be willing to pursue you are probably, in fact, highly IMMATURE and would not live up to your standards anyway.  The best case scenario is that you would be disappointed, the worst case scenario, that you would be literally traumatized.

This does not mean you should force yourself to feel attraction to guys your age.  If you don't feel it, you don't feel it.  But for now, keep it a fantasy, and when you reach an age where you can feel more sure that an older man will be interested in you for you - not for your age - then feel free to make that fantasy a reality.

Hope that helps!

Mind Games

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Besides having an immensely powerful sense of intuition, I am also currently studying (and having been privately studying for years) psychology, and grew up with around psychology and psychologists. I've read considerably in regards to biology, evolutionary biology, genetics, behavior therapy, conditioning and personality. There is almost no human pattern that does not make sense to me (but I'll admit, the opposite sex is a tricky subject!). If someone's behavior makes absolutely no sense to you, I'll be able to help you figure it out, and even give you suggestions on how to deal with it.


As mentioned above, currently studying psychology, a psychology-influenced upbringing, plus countless hours of giving people advice on the behavior of others.

Currently studying Psychology at the California Coastal College.

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