Expert: Melissa Burton (a.k.a Bee) - 11/19/2006

Question
I am a 20 year old girl.  I was raised by men, with all brothers. I'm not very good at flirting, I just like to have fun with the boys.  I am a sporty tomboyish kind of girl, and I'm very comfortable and confident in myself. But up until now, I have never had a boyfriend before.  I am very good at being friends with guys, and I'm usually the girl my guy friends come to because I usually understand them pretty well.  But 2 weeks ago, this guy I really like asked me to be his girlfriend.  My personality is to be very accommodating and and always telling people yes.  But I've been getting advice from my friends that I need to be mysterious.  They say if I lose my mystery, he won't have fun pursuing me, and he'll get bored.  I know how much guys hate it when girls are moody and they play mind games.  So my question is how do I become playful and mysterious, keeping him on his toes and guessing?  And at the same time, how do I do that without playing dumb games?  How does a girl keep mystery about her while at the same time now confusing her boyfriend?

Answer
Hello
Well I don't know what your friends are talking about. I have never had to be mysterious ever and I've had many successful long term relationships before where the guy was very interested in me. So I really disagreee with that statement. Anyway, to answer your question, just be yourself. Don't play around and be someone your not, just be yourself. Obviously this guy likes you so continue being the girl that he does like, which is you. Don't change! Talk with him, and have fun with him, but at the same time don't tell him everything about you. For example if you have secrets don't just tell him. Give that a few months before you tell him. Tell him the normal things like your dislikes and likes. Talk about your family, school, etc. But don't start telling him every little thing about you. Save all that stuff for later conversationsions. On a sexual level go slow. Don't start having sex after a month or anything. That's what I think you should do.

Honestly that mystery thing, I think is kind of dumb. I've never used that and most of my girlfriends haven't either. Every guy I have had always has fun pursuing me and we are very close and I have never found that necessary. That mystery technique is also immature too. If you want a serious relationship with this guy then I wouldn't do that. Like I said you can do it subtly by not telling him everything about you but don't make it into a major part of the relationship cause it's not. Good luck with this new guy and I hope this will be the start of a great relationship! If you ever have any questions then let me know!
Melissa