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Miscarriage/deal with my loss and angry towards my husband


I lost my baby naturally almost a month ago and I thought I was fine. I thought I was getting back to myself and being happy but I find myself slowly slipping into depression. I’ll randomly start crying if I hear a baby cry on tv and I avoid babies if I can.
What I hate most of all is this feeling of abandonment and neglected from my husband. Don’t get me wrong he has been so supportive and loving when we were going through this. But the night I lost our baby he was heading to work and I called him after I passed him. I really needed him that night more than I ever needed him. But he went to work got him mom to come and stay with me (which is far from what I wanted). He “tried” to leave work, from “try” I mean he went to go tell his foreman. From his word he just asked “hey I need to leave”, his foreman snapped and said he didn’t give 24 hours’ notice so no, and he didn’t push any further.
We had a discussion the day after on how I feel so abandoned by him in the time I really needed him. He apologized and told me I’ll never have to go through that alone again.  But since then I feel so unhappy with him. Lost like he’s not there for me, not like I thought he was. I now find myself angry and cold towards him. I hate it cause I know he doesn’t deserve that treatment, but I’m hurting still and hurting even more knowing he never fought to be with me..
Please tell me what I should do… I know if I keep this up I’ll ruin my marriage… I don’t know what to say to him that won’t cause I fight… please help me

Dear Stacy,

I am so sorry you lost your baby! Your response is totally normal. Grief comes and goes in waves, it's not at all a linear process. I lost my baby 19 hours after she was born and overtime I saw or heard a baby, my heart just broke. It's important that you work through your grief. Allow yourself to cry and avoid babies for a little while because you've been deeply wounded and and need to create a safe space for you to grieve.

I understand your anger toward your husband. Men handle things like this very differently than women, but his behavior was not personal. I would encourage you to work on forgiving him and giving him the opportunity to be there for you now. But please understand, he will grieve this loss in a very different way. Men tend to panic when they can't fix things, which makes them angry, and grief is definitely NOT fixable So when you need his support, tell him you don't need him to fix it, you just need him to listen or to hold you or whatever it is that you need.

I hope this helps. If you need further assistance, please email me at

Take Care

Gabrielle Michel


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Rev. Gabrielle Michel


I can answer all questions pertaining to grieving the loss of your baby after miscarriage as well as the fear associated with getting pregnant after miscarriage. I cannot answer any medical questions.


A pioneer in the grief movement and Founder of Graceful Grieving, My specialty is helping people work through spiritual crisis after a major loss. In 2004 I experienced a spiritual crisis of my own. February brought the miscarriage of our first baby. July: the death of my younger brother. In October I said goodbye to a dear friend who succumbed to emphysema. And on December 22nd, I joyfully welcomed my second baby into the world, only to say goodbye to her the very next morning when death claimed her as well.

Founder/Executive Director of Graceful Grieving, Inc. a 501(c)(3) Corp. Founding Member of The National League of Medical Hypnotherapy

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BA in Religious, Spiritual and Holistic Studies Ordained Interfaith Minister Certified Graceful Grieving Mentor Certified Medical Clinical Hypnotherapist Certified Grief Recovery Specialist

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