Question Hi Jeni,
I am writing concerning my son who will be entering kindergarten next year. Last year he went to a Head Start program. His teacher was concerned. She said that he did make some progress....but not enough. He does not know what he should know to enter kindergarten according to the assessments they take. I should let you know that my son was on the verge of being kicked out of a daycare for bad behavior...bad language and being disruptive...when he went to Head Start. During his time there his behavior improved ALOT...he is still FAR from perfect...but his teacher was very patient and in my opinion worked wonders. I know it is vital that he learn his ABC's and numbers but at the time I was so focused on his behavior that seemed almost secondary.
I am working with him trying to get him to learn...and it is clear to me that he knows more than he let on in class...but his patience for enduring study sessions of more than 15-20 minutes doesn't seem to exist. I AM trying my best...but when everyone is telling me that's not enough to do any good and that he is going to be illiterate if I don't do something QUICK....I get pretty discouraged. He is adopted (from birth) and both of his birth parents were mentally handicapped. There has never been any reason to believe that it was genetic but because of him struggling a little I have some relatives convinced that he is "unable" to learn.
I don't believe that at all....he just wants to go out and play instead. Mommy just needs to figure out how to make him see that it's important and FUN....please help. Thank you, Shelia :)
Answer Hi Sheila,
What a fantastic job you are doing to help your little boy learn to manage his behavior. It sounds as if there are some people around you who are looking on the negative side for whatever reason. That must make things doubly difficult. You have made real inroads on changing his behavior and that tells me that your strategies are successful. As this is working you should keep doing what you are doing. Your son's pace of learning can't be rushed. Ignore those critics and look for people who can help out and be cheerleaders for your efforts.
Your little boy has got a winning team with his lovely, caring mum and great Head Start Teacher. Keep focused on the future and be confident. There is so much to think about when children move on to the next stage. Education is not a fixed set of lessons now and we have all become more aware that a good education is one which responds to a child's pace of learning and development.
Every country in the developed world now assesses children from a young age to measure progress. It tells teachers what has been achieved and where they need to go next. It is not about passing exams. Around 1 in every 5 children has additional needs which means they are significantly behind their peers in some area. Kindergarten and schools are prepared for that.
Although there are expectations for what children can typically do at each age there will always some children with additional needs. You don't have to apologize for your son, although I've yet to meet a parent who didn't sometimes feel some guilt and anxiety. Children who are adopted may also have had a less than perfect start and there is often some catching up to do. I expect you are worrying about what he is capable of and the critical voices are always the loudest.
I am so glad he has a great teacher in the Head Start programme and she seems to know how to get the best from him. Ask her advice about how to get support for him when he moves on. What does she recommend? How does the kindergarten give extra help when it is needed?
It's great that you are helping him at home. If he is managing as much as 15 minutes of "work" then that is great. His teacher may also give you some ideas about how to use games and play to practice those same things and keep it light and easy. Do make sure he gets plenty of time for free play, he needs that for his healthy development and to relax.
The situation must seem really daunting right now and it might help you to get things back into perspective by reviewing all that you have both achieved. Sometimes if we focus for too long on the "to do list" we can get very discouraged.
This time next year your son will have nearly finished his first year in kindergarten. You will have met some lovely people to help you both and he will be making progress. Right now you need to regain your confidence so that you can find those people and to ask them to support you. It is his right to have an appropriate education which will help him to fulfill his potential.
