Expert: sucoe - 12/26/2001

Question
Dear Sucoe,
This query concerns my son. He is 3 1/2 year old. We just put him in play school. For the first few days he went without any problem. After that he is insisting that his mother also stay with him the school. We checked up on the school and they are really good. He does not interact with other kids in school. But at home he is very smart and active. What is wring with him. What should we do about this. How long his mother should stay with him since she finds it very difficult.
kv sriram

Answer
Dear Kv Sriram,
The behavior you describe is typical of any child entering "school" for the first time. It is simply called "separation". Your son must learn to trust adults he does not know, to care for him where Mommy always did. He is in a new environment different from the one he is used to. The rules are different and there are other children he must get to know as well.
Put yourself in a new job, different from any you have ever done, in a new building, with ten new co-workers and two "bosses". It's similar to what children experience except that they are young and have learned very few social skills among other neccessary skills.
Have your wife come up with a plan with the teachers on how long she should stay in the mornings and then make sure she sticks with it. That is the hardest part! Trust the teachers to know how to help your son and he too will learn to trust his teachers quickly. Usually a five minute "goodbye" is best. "I will do one puzzle with you and then it will be time for us to say goodbye. Your teachers and new friends are here to do other puzzles with you." Or you might read a story. If your son shows an increase of anxiety it might be better to have a quick goodbye with the teacher's help.
The best rule is to seek the cooperation of the teacher. The message to your son will be that school is a safe place where his parents and teachers care.
Good luck, Su_coe