AboutWilliam Silver Expertise I can address all questions about physical, sexual, emotional trauma and how to eliminate the effects from your life. I specialize in assisting clients with a 1 to 3-hour session that can discharge all of the negative feelings around any type of emotionally based problem. I can direct you to some websites where you can download information to assist you and your loved ones with emotional problems. I can also assist directly on the phone or via email, in addition to personal sessions, here in San Diego, California. I am not a licensed therapist, lawyer or law enforcement officer.
Experience I have been a holistic health therapist for a total of over 15 years, specializing in anxiety-phobia, trauma release work.
Question I was sexually abused more than 20 years ago when I was around 8 years old and I still struggle with flashbacks and memories that come up. I question why I can't just get over the past, it was a long time ago. My question is, how can I stop blaming myself? I constantly ask myself why didn't I try and stop it the first time or fight more? Why did I not do something to stop it from continuing? Or why didn't I say something or avoid being left alone? How can I forgive myself for not doing more? I should have done something, anything! I was a smart kid who had supportive parents. Why didn't I trust them to do something? To this day I still haven't said anything to them and don't believe I can. So in this round about way my question is, how do I forgive myself and stop blaming myself?
Answer Tracy.... First of all, know that it wasn't your fault. At 8 years of age, you have little control over your environment or the actions of others, no matter how smart you think you were or are now.
You are suffering from symptoms of PTSD, because of unresolved sexual trauma. It DOESN'T just go away on its own. Until the trauma is addressed and healed/resolved/released it will remain with you and get more and more active. We are self-healing beings, for the most part, however it is proven that sexual assault in children can't be self-healed by children.
If you had told your parents when it happened, you might have had some sense of relief at having the perpetrator punished and then you would have gotten some therapy to help you with the trauma. It didn't happen, so the situation remains as it is, until now.
Children are sexually responsive and curious, even from an early age. What was happening to you might have seemed like a curious thing to try to understand, but an immature mind at that age cannot process this kind of experience successfully.
A good start to your therapy might be to reveal what happened to you to your parents. You might be surprised to see how supportive they are now. Much more is understood about the effects of child abuse and sexual assault than was known 20 years ago. It is nothing to be ashamed about and keeping the secret is only hurting yourself.
I have found that the most effective way to help heal and resolve trauma is the use of EFT processes on the incidents. Go to the EFT site: www.emofree.com and download the free EFT manual file. There is also a list of practitioners worldwide, shown on the site. This is high-speed healing and you won't have to spend years in therapy, as you might have in the past.
During the EFT process, you will experience some compassion for yourself in that moment in the past and feel the lifting of the burden you have carried for so very long. Take steps now to complete the process, so you can regain your true sense of self and peace of heart and mind, once again.
