	AllExperts > Molestation
	Search

About Christine Taylor
Expertise
I can answer questions specifically relating to child abuse, paticularly where this relates to retrospective activities. I can also answer questions on 'How extended families cope with the result of abuse'. Questions on the legal aspects of abuse are beyond my scope here and I can offer signposting only.

Experience
I was abused as a child by my grandfather. The first time it took place I was just 5 years old, and his abuse continued for 6 years. I was forced into believing that what he was doing was ok, and that it was our secret. As a small child I respected what he told me, and did not tell anyone. He would touch me, bath me and sometimes make me touch him. The memories are clear, but since moving on with my life the attached feeling and emotion has faded. My grandfather was sentenced for his crime, but not before I had to go through a medical and police interview. Shortly after the sentencing I was given support from Victim Support, and later that year received counselling from a clinical child psychologist. Once I was discharged I carried on with my life and tried to put the past behind me. However, after the birth of my son many emotions about the abuse came back, as did the memories. I tried to get counselling but the waiting lists were long. I approached support groups, but unfortunately they were not running programmes in my area. I decided to help myself. I carried out a number tasks which included writting out my memories, and my feelings. It also included going back to the places I was abused. I began to feel strong inside, the memories no longer made me cry, my smile was genuine. My final task was to return to the spot where it all began when I was just 5 years old. Once I had done this I walked away and felt no saddness. I knew then that I had come through the abuse and was finally free to live my life. I have left the negatives of my abuse behind and now I hold onto the positives of this experience. I have learnt how to be strong, and how to restore my confidence. I no longer wish to change the past, its just not possible, so I look forward to a future without the burden of my past.

Education/Credentials
Firstly I have first hand life experience within this field. I also achieved A'levels in science, but also in Christian Theology. Although this does not directly relate to this subject it helped me to use my mind to think outside the box. I was able to see things from other perspectives, and it taught me to appreciate other peoples thoughts and opinions. I also have completed the counselling concepts course and passed at Level 3 and from this I went on and completed a mentor training programme. I am now working towards a psychology diploma, and level 4 in child psychology.

You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Abuse/Incest Support > Molestation > Could I have been molested?

Molestation - Could I have been molested?

Expert: Christine Taylor - 10/26/2009

Question
Christine,
I think I could have been molested by my nephew, probably between the age of 2 and 4. I remember him doing it, but I know I don't remember all of it. I also remember that I told my granny but she didn't believe me and told me to stop lying. I also think his mom walked in on us and something bad happened but I can't remember it. I know I wet my bed as a child once. I had bladder problems. I want to remember everything and also be sure I'm not making this up. I only remember him touching me, but I wonder if he didn't do more because I get very uncomfortable when my husband wants to give me oral sex. Am I making this up? Also, do I tell my husband? I have trust issues and it is influencing my marriage

Answer
Charlene,

I am very sorry but I can not answer the question 'could I have been molested?'. My first reaction is to say yes speak with your husband. He need's to know that your trust issues are not his fault, and he need's to know what you are worried about so he can change his behaviour. For example if him giving you oral sex makes you uncomfortable, and gives you these memory flashbacks, then he need's to know so he can stop doing it, or do it in a way you are more comfortable. It will also be good for you to have support.

In getting answers, you could try speaking with a counsellor who specialises in sex abuse, or alternative medicines such as hypnotherapy. These may be costly though and they hold no assurances. You could also try speaking to your sister or granny. You are an adult now and I would like to hope that they treat you with the respect that deserves. Explain to them that your memories are hazy, you know some of what happened, and you need closure on the rest of it. If you just want closure and not to bring criminal charges, you could also try speaking with your nephew. He is the one with the answers. You should not do this if you intend on bringing charges against him though. However, if you do speak with him you could tell him you need answers and he owes you that much. It may bring closure on the subject for both of you.

Do talk to your husband, no matter what other options you decide to do. There is the risk of these memories being wrong but I dont think you will be able to move on unless you find out one way or the other. It is important to remember that the mind is a very powerful tool. It blocks out some of our memories, and often for the right reasons. Something are best forgotten. No matter what you chose to do, remember that you can not change any of it. It has been, and the only way left for you to go is forward.

Kind regards,

Christine

Add to this Answer Ask a Question