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About Sarah Harrison
Expertise
I am an expert and counselor on experts.com too. I am aware and have been through it all. I can answer your questions on being molested by my father, brother and how it feels as an adult to have dissociative identity disorder (DID) and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I can also answer questions on being in SAA, Sex Addicts Anonymous, AA, Alcoholics Anonymous, being married several times as I tried to run from all my fears, including getting lost on the road and yet I still would strike out to find a man even if I did get lost. There's not anything I can imagine that I wouldn't try to answer!

Experience
When I was fifty-nine years of age, I experienced an incorporation with Dr. William Tollefson, the gentleman that developed incorporation therapy. Now my three altars and I are one system instead of four of us fighting against each other. On top of the molestations of childhood, I was raped repeatedly in college by three men and left to die. I stayed in basically an abusive marriage for 26 years even though I was the one that was educated, six years of college. Organizations: United Methodist's Women's Group, Epiphany, Faith Partner's, Emmaus Walk Publications: Sarah Harrison has written several articles for the Women's Institute for Incorporation Therapy's monthly newsletter as well as articles for spiritual magazines. She has just recently published her own true tragedy of sexual abuse entitled, "You Love Your Daddy, Don't You?" Go to www.incestvictim.com to view the website and order her book. Education/Credentials: Master's in Education, Specialist's in Education, Specialist's in Administration. Awards and Honors: Teacher of the Year, on the Board of the Finance Committee for Gwinnett Co. Board of Ed. for seven years, CASA volunteer in Forsyth Co. for four years. Past/Present Clients: Women's group at Birmingham United Methodist Church in Alpharetta, GA and Epiphany at Columbia, SC. I want to start engaging in speaking conferences for other women's groups as soon as possible now that my book is published.

You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Abuse/Incest Support > Molestation > Does my girlfriend have attchment disorder?

Molestation - Does my girlfriend have attchment disorder?

Expert: Sarah Harrison - 11/7/2009

Question
Dear Sarah,
my girlfriend and i have been going out for 11 months. we are both 18, and we plan to get married soon. i fear my girlfriend has attachment disorder. she has been sexually and physically abused by her biological father sister brother and cousin from the time that she was a baby to 10 years old. her biological father also prostituted her amd invited men into his home to molest and rape her in return for drugs and money.she has also been molested by many of her numerous foster fathers and brothers. she was moving around to foster cares from the age of 3 to 11. she has been raped by her most recent ex boyfriend but still has feelings for him despite the fact that we have been together for almost a year, which i don't understand.
   our sex life is excellent but sometimes excessive. she likes me to call her dirty names and curse at her, and i don't mind it but i'm wondering is it what her mind associates with sex which has a place in her past abuses?
  For the past 2 months as i felt we were getting closer she would have severe mood swings where we would be cuddling or whatnot and discussing our futures and the next couple mintues she would be telling me she wants nothing to do with me over something as small as teasing her about something insignificant.
  I've talked to her mother about this and she says that the way she is treating me isn't personal really just that when people get to close it seems that she gets scared of it. My girlfriend recently admitted to me that she feels she has attachment disorder, and i don't feel it is in any way shape or form her fault. i would really appreciate some insight into this and any advice on how I can or WE can overcome it together.
  she becomes extremely emotional over trivial things in our relationship like if she's not matching her clothes well enough, or if she's wearing too much or not enough makeup (she is extrememly beautiful and i could really use some help so i can save money on mascara and whatnot =)] we tease backand forth but if i have a better comeback or she can't think of anything to say she won't talk to me or cusses me out. then she goes into a schpeel about how ugly she is and that's why i'm not letting her have her way, or if i don't let her win it's because i hate her or i've found somebody else.
  I love her too much and am IN love with her too much to just give up on the relationship, but i would really love advice on how to overcome this obstacle

Answer
Dear Coby,
You're battling multiple personality disorder. Sometime she's your girlfriend, other times she's the little girl that was abused sexually for the first time, other times she the protitute for her daddy, other times she is other people. She needs a good therapists to help her deal with all these personalities. When you are tramatized at an age before 7 years old the only way to survive is to learn dissociation, to literally die, or go insane. Those of "us" that made by learning how to dissociate, are intelligent and creative. When we dissociate we develop a personality to become that person. Mine was "Susie" at the age of four, due to my father's incest. Two other's developed later, but not near as many as your girlfriend. I didn't have near as hard of life as she has had. I recently wrote my life history which can be found on www.incestvictim.com That is why it is so easy to recognize what you are going through with her.

My email is wrong on my website. It is snharr43@yahoo.com if you want to order one of my books.

Go to Google and put in Dissociative Identity Disorder which is the medical term for it today and you can find a lot of information about it. I copied and pasted the Wikipedia definition for it.

Dissociative identity disorder
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
Not to be confused with Dissocial personality disorder.
"Split personality" redirects here. For other uses, see Split personality (disambiguation).
Dissociative identity disorder
Classification and external resources
ICD-10 F44.8
ICD-9 300.14
MeSH D009105
Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a condition in which a single person displays multiple distinct identities or personalities (known as alter egos or alters), each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. The diagnosis requires that at least two personalities routinely take control of the individual's behavior with an associated memory loss that goes beyond normal forgetfulness; in addition, symptoms cannot be the temporary effects of drug use or a general medical condition. The condition first appeared in current medical classification in the 1980 publication of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III) classification, as multiple personality disorder (MPD), which is the term still used by the ICD-10.

There is a great deal of controversy surrounding the topic. There are many commonly disputed points about DID. These viewpoints critical of DID can be quite varied, with some taking the position that DID does not actually exist as a valid medical diagnosis, and others who think that DID may exist but is either always or usually an adverse side effect of therapy. DID diagnoses initially appeared to be almost entirely confined to the North American continent, but later surveys found cases on other continents but at significantly lower rates.

When you think that she be in another alter state, go along with it and later ask her about something she did while in it and see if she remembers what went on. That is a pretty good sign that she is in another alter state of mind rather than meaning to be ugly to you. She is not aware of what she is saying to you when she is in those other states and is not responsible for it. When the two of you are having sex, it would be hard for her to stay focused on you after all the abuse she has taken. Ask her who she is, then who you are and try to keep her focused on you. That will help her.

I hope this helps some. She will need therapy though after so much sexual abuse in her lifetime.

Good luck.
Sarah

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