AboutChristine Taylor Expertise I can answer questions specifically relating to child abuse, paticularly where this relates to retrospective activities.
I can also answer questions on 'How extended families cope with the result of abuse'.
Questions on the legal aspects of abuse are beyond my scope here and I can offer signposting only.
Experience I was abused as a child by my grandfather. The first time it took place I was just 5 years old, and his abuse continued for 6 years. I was forced into believing that what he was doing was ok, and that it was our secret. As a small child I respected what he told me, and did not tell anyone. He would touch me, bath me and sometimes make me touch him. The memories are clear, but since moving on with my life the attached feeling and emotion has faded. My grandfather was sentenced for his crime, but not before I had to go through a medical and police interview. Shortly after the sentencing I was given support from Victim Support, and later that year received counselling from a clinical child psychologist. Once I was discharged I carried on with my life and tried to put the past behind me. However, after the birth of my son many emotions about the abuse came back, as did the memories. I tried to get counselling but the waiting lists were long. I approached support groups, but unfortunately they were not running programmes in my area. I decided to help myself. I carried out a number tasks which included writting out my memories, and my feelings. It also included going back to the places I was abused. I began to feel strong inside, the memories no longer made me cry, my smile was genuine. My final task was to return to the spot where it all began when I was just 5 years old. Once I had done this I walked away and felt no saddness. I knew then that I had come through the abuse and was finally free to live my life. I have left the negatives of my abuse behind and now I hold onto the positives of this experience. I have learnt how to be strong, and how to restore my confidence. I no longer wish to change the past, its just not possible, so I look forward to a future without the burden of my past.
Education/Credentials Firstly I have first hand life experience within this field. I also achieved A'levels in science, but also in Christian Theology. Although this does not directly relate to this subject it helped me to use my mind to think outside the box. I was able to see things from other perspectives, and it taught me to appreciate other peoples thoughts and opinions. I also have completed the counselling concepts course and passed at Level 3 and from this I went on and completed a mentor training programme. I am now working towards a psychology diploma, and level 4 in child psychology.
Question Dear Christine,
I read your story and have had the same experience when I was younger. Probably 5 or 6 years ago. My grandfather would molest me whenever it was just me or him. It's been so long but the memories just dont seem to fade away. I've never told anyone about it, and my grandfather is still living with us today. I used to consider talking to my mother about it (this is her father), but decided that it would probably hurt her to find out. Many times when he did this, I could smell alcohol in his breath. He's stopped doing it, but I've always been afraid of him doing something again. I'm 18 now and much smarter about not being alone with him and all of that. I still think about what happened and how scared I used to get whenever he came near me. I have never regretted not telling anyone about this but the fact that it still affects me today finally got me to talk to someone about this. It's changed my opinion in males greatly, there was a time where I would be afraid of being with any older man because I was afraid he would do something. I still feel as if I am afraid of getting too close to a male and i have always stayed away from relationships for this reason. I feel as if I finally needed to admit this to myself, which is probably the reason for me writing this. Any advice you would have about my situation would help, and thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Confused
Answer Hi, I am sorry that it has taken me a few days to respond to you.
You have taken a great first in writing this, and opening up. It is good that you do not hold regrets about how you previously dealt with this as you couldn't change it anyway.
Its now up to you where you take this. I think it would be a good idea to talk with your mum about this. She will be hurt and upset, but not at you, for you. I am sure she'll support you whole heartidly. You also should consider informing the authorities. Years may have passed, but a conviction is still possible. It may have stopped with you, but what when you have children, or other younger family members they are at risk.
You will find once you let all this out it will release a lot of this burden on you. Things will improve, particulary with your relationships to men. As you come to accept that not all men are bad, you will be able to get close to others again. None of this was your fault, as I believe you know. Time is the greatest healer, and things will start to get better. Talk to someone you trust, your mum or if you are not ready a friend or your doctor. They will listen and be there for you.
