AboutChristine Taylor Expertise I can answer questions specifically relating to child abuse, paticularly where this relates to retrospective activities.
I can also answer questions on 'How extended families cope with the result of abuse'.
Questions on the legal aspects of abuse are beyond my scope here and I can offer signposting only.
Experience I was abused as a child by my grandfather. The first time it took place I was just 5 years old, and his abuse continued for 6 years. I was forced into believing that what he was doing was ok, and that it was our secret. As a small child I respected what he told me, and did not tell anyone. He would touch me, bath me and sometimes make me touch him. The memories are clear, but since moving on with my life the attached feeling and emotion has faded. My grandfather was sentenced for his crime, but not before I had to go through a medical and police interview. Shortly after the sentencing I was given support from Victim Support, and later that year received counselling from a clinical child psychologist. Once I was discharged I carried on with my life and tried to put the past behind me. However, after the birth of my son many emotions about the abuse came back, as did the memories. I tried to get counselling but the waiting lists were long. I approached support groups, but unfortunately they were not running programmes in my area. I decided to help myself. I carried out a number tasks which included writting out my memories, and my feelings. It also included going back to the places I was abused. I began to feel strong inside, the memories no longer made me cry, my smile was genuine. My final task was to return to the spot where it all began when I was just 5 years old. Once I had done this I walked away and felt no saddness. I knew then that I had come through the abuse and was finally free to live my life. I have left the negatives of my abuse behind and now I hold onto the positives of this experience. I have learnt how to be strong, and how to restore my confidence. I no longer wish to change the past, its just not possible, so I look forward to a future without the burden of my past.
Education/Credentials Firstly I have first hand life experience within this field. I also achieved A'levels in science, but also in Christian Theology. Although this does not directly relate to this subject it helped me to use my mind to think outside the box. I was able to see things from other perspectives, and it taught me to appreciate other peoples thoughts and opinions. I also have completed the counselling concepts course and passed at Level 3 and from this I went on and completed a mentor training programme. I am now working towards a psychology diploma, and level 4 in child psychology.
Question QUESTION: My wife and I split up about a year and a half ago. we have two daughters, who are now 5 and 3. The girls live with me Monday thru Friday and see their mom on the weekends. The past few weeks my three year old has begun kicking and screaming every time it's time to go to their mom's, and my five year old has mentioned how she doesn't really like going over there, but hasn't voiced any reasons why, even when i ask. My mother watches them two or three times a week while i'm at work and she has mentioned that my 5-year old does not like my ex-wife's live-in boyfriend, though my daughter's only told me that she doesn't like when they kiss. What concerns me most is my 3-year old's behavior. A friend of mine witnessed this panic this weekend and voiced their concern to me. as this is the third time this has happened in three consecutive weeks, I can't help but be concerned. Can this panic my 3-year old undergoes be a sign of some sort of abuse?
ANSWER: James,
This display of behaviour certainly indicates the girls are not happy, but not necessarily that they are being abused. I would most definitely speak with their mum and make her aware of the comments your eldest has made about being kissed. It maybe that they feel left out at mums, not given enough attention. Or they may just dislike the new boy friend and so when he tried to engage contact they get upset.
I would try and talk to the girls, and get them to open up. Maybe ask your eldest why she doesnt like a kiss and she if she can elborate it for you. If you are still concerned at all, contact childrens services who will investigate it further and make sure your girls are in the safest hands when not with you.
Kind regards,
Christine
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QUESTION: thank you for your response. I spoke to my friend who watched them this Friday night while i was out of town, and she said that when her husband went to put my 3-year old to bed she began to panic and started yelling "Don't hurt me. Don't touch me" It freaked him out and he had his aunt come over immediately so that he wasn't the only one their (his wife was at work). they've been close to me for eleven years, and I have no reason to suspect that he would do anything, as both girls both ask to go over there quite frequently, even this morning. I just came upon this new information after asking you the initial question. This definitely concerns me. would you recommend talking to my ex about this first or calling some sort of counseling service?
Answer James,
In light of this I think I would personally go straight to the child protection services. Dont speak with your ex, it will avoid any awkwardness and also the investigators will be able to get a true reaction when they faced with the allegations, whereas if you speak with her first they will have time to talk. I would also consider taking them to the doctor and have them checked, although CPS will probably want to do this too.
I really hope this is just a case of the girls not liking this new man in their life.
