AboutChristine Taylor Expertise I can answer questions specifically relating to child abuse, paticularly where this relates to retrospective activities.
I can also answer questions on 'How extended families cope with the result of abuse'.
Questions on the legal aspects of abuse are beyond my scope here and I can offer signposting only.
Experience I was abused as a child by my grandfather. The first time it took place I was just 5 years old, and his abuse continued for 6 years. I was forced into believing that what he was doing was ok, and that it was our secret. As a small child I respected what he told me, and did not tell anyone. He would touch me, bath me and sometimes make me touch him. The memories are clear, but since moving on with my life the attached feeling and emotion has faded. My grandfather was sentenced for his crime, but not before I had to go through a medical and police interview. Shortly after the sentencing I was given support from Victim Support, and later that year received counselling from a clinical child psychologist. Once I was discharged I carried on with my life and tried to put the past behind me. However, after the birth of my son many emotions about the abuse came back, as did the memories. I tried to get counselling but the waiting lists were long. I approached support groups, but unfortunately they were not running programmes in my area. I decided to help myself. I carried out a number tasks which included writting out my memories, and my feelings. It also included going back to the places I was abused. I began to feel strong inside, the memories no longer made me cry, my smile was genuine. My final task was to return to the spot where it all began when I was just 5 years old. Once I had done this I walked away and felt no saddness. I knew then that I had come through the abuse and was finally free to live my life. I have left the negatives of my abuse behind and now I hold onto the positives of this experience. I have learnt how to be strong, and how to restore my confidence. I no longer wish to change the past, its just not possible, so I look forward to a future without the burden of my past.
Education/Credentials Firstly I have first hand life experience within this field. I also achieved A'levels in science, but also in Christian Theology. Although this does not directly relate to this subject it helped me to use my mind to think outside the box. I was able to see things from other perspectives, and it taught me to appreciate other peoples thoughts and opinions. I also have completed the counselling concepts course and passed at Level 3 and from this I went on and completed a mentor training programme. I am now working towards a psychology diploma, and level 4 in child psychology.
Question QUESTION: Hi, I hope you can give me some advice before I go nuts! My (barely) 11 year old daughter, who came into puberty at the young age of 9, told me 3 nights ago that her step-sister at her father's house 'touched her, kissed her, humped up and down on her' and made my daughter 'touch her back' Of course it broke my heart to hear this and I don't know what I should do....unfortunately this happened approximately 2 years ago...my daughter said it happened when her father lived in the trailer house and when they moved into the 'house' it didn't happen anymore because the step-sister didn't have a door on her bedroom anymore. 1. I told my ex about it and he said he doesn't plan on saying anything about it because 'it didn't happen last week' and would just cause more trouble than it's worth. 2. I told him I would never allow our 16, 14, (boys) and our daughter come to the house again. He said 'we will cross that bridge when we come to it'
He doesn't visit our kids very often, about every 3 months is his average...but since it was 2 years ago do I report it to CPS, or what do I do to protect my kids from EVER being around that again?
ANSWER: Melissa,
You dont say how old the step-sister is.
I will not make any excuses, but it could be a case of adolesent curiousity gone too far. However, no one should be made to feel uncomfortable.
I am worried about wording this wrong, and making this seem like a lesser of a deal than it is. If this other girl is a young girl, and someone who didn't truely understand the wrongness of what she was doing then I do agree with the father. Your daughter deserves all the support she is getting, and her ordeal she not be brushed aside, but bringing it back up with the other girl I dont think will achieve anything. If your daughter wants to talk about it with her, and resolve it in words then yes talking should be done, but if she just wants her mum and to put it behind her then I think that should also be respected.
If this girl is older, someone who would have been aware of what she was doing at the time, and it was more about self satisfaction than curiousity then I think yes it's important to get some outside advice on what to do. Its hard to give an age guideline on what to do depending on her emotional development.
I'm sorry that I cant be any more helpful, its really difficult to form an answer when I am not fully aware of the situation.
Kind regards,
Christine`
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QUESTION: Thank you for your kinds words of wisdom...the step-sister is 16 now, putting her age about 13-14 the last time this incident occured....my daughter would have been about 8-9.
Answer Melissa,
A girl of 13 is raging with hormones and her body is changing so quickly. That is no excuse for what happened, but it could be a reason.
I think for peace of mind, this young lady is 16 now, if it would help you could try talking to her. Speak with her father first and explain that you dont want to turn anything nasty, and you dont want an arguement but you do want to discuss it as adults. Let the girl know that your daughter has opened up to you. She will probably feel very ashamed, and remorsful, and you really should try not to make her feel any worse than she probably is already. I know that sounds like you are letting her get away with it, but in reality she was just a young curious teenager who through misguided adolsecence took inncocent curiousity too far. Unless you know this girl differently and think her behaviour was in mallice I really would concentrate your efforts on supporting your daughter and reassuring her that she did nothing wrong, and that you are there for her.
I hope that you and your daughter can get through this, and keep her relationship with her extended family in tact. Talk to your daughter, and ask her what she wants to happen next. Kids are stronger than we adults give them credit for. By telling you it shows she is ready to start moving on, maybe she doesn't want to lose her relationship with her step siblings.
