Molestation/My 15 year old son molested my 5 year old daughter
Nelly wrote at 2010-11-08 07:34:01
I understand what you are going through to a point. My stepson did things to my 2 children he was 12 and they were 3 and 5. We tried to get help for him and nothing worked. We had locks and alarms on his bedroom door and he showed us how he could get out any time he wanted. We sent him to live back with his mom after he threatened the life of my son...after pissing on him in school after he said something to us. I want to help him but I can't have him in our house any more and the mother will do nothing to help him. He acts as if nothing ever happened and she does too he even watches her kids so she can go out. I don't know what to do any more but no longer feel safe with him here. I don't know who or what to turn to in order to get him the help he needs.
Vanessa wrote at 2010-11-17 19:48:27
I am the person who wrote for advice. My heart was busting and aching. I needed support and advice. I needed a resource or support group or some compassion. What you gave me was mockery and nothing more. Lock the door?? How dare you say that with children comes responsibility. You insinuate that I was allowing this to happen by being irresponsible. That is not supportive. I am a victim of what my son has done, as is my entire family.
Vanessa wrote at 2010-11-17 19:52:35
And further, I dont think it is quite fair that the "expert" refuses to post negative or constructive feedback, but only feedback that is in her favor.
rose wrote at 2011-08-20 19:15:00
hi, i cant imagine how u feel, i am so sorry for what has happened i definatly belive they both need counseling you definatly need to dosomething and if her sleeping with you is not an option then he has got to go i no that dosnt sound rite but he cannot continue to torment her lie that , this is not rite, does he mayb have a grandparent that will take him in? or his dad?, or mayb even some type of prive school, or bootcamp im not sure but something those schools u send them far away for.seems cruel but till she is ok with him being around or till she is old enough.
kimberlymarie wrote at 2012-07-27 19:44:25
Others DO understand. My situation is almost identical only my 8-yr-old is also a boy and they both or pretty nonchalant about it over several years now, which I just now finally discovered. I also discovered the probable root--my ex live in boyfriend of a few years a while back & abused me severely at the time, had molested my 15 (then 7) more than once. One reason I stayed with this man though he abused me was that I never ONCE suspected that kind of behavior from him as I believed I would have being that I had been repeatedly abused by a relative as a young girl. At 15, my oldest son needs to, now, not just be empathized with but must realize his near-adult consequences now that he is 15. I'm just now starting down the same road from scratch. Weeds have to be pruned at/& from the root or they'll just continue to manifest forever. GETTING past the "symptoms" to the root has got to be (my) first attempt to knowing what need to be done to extinguish the re-growth. May take years of gardening but vital
Cheryl wrote at 2012-10-16 08:08:33
I would contact department of children services (DCS) for help. Your son needs to have a sexual assessment done to see his risk level of offending again. He definitely doesn't need to be in the home with the victim or around other children until you can figure out why this is happening and he gets some treatment. Trust me...I know all to well what you are going through. :(
ellen wrote at 2013-02-11 01:03:21
Please contact your local social service agency, clinic, hospital, Salvation Army counseling center, etc to get help for your entire family immediately. Your son is out of control and unfortunately, it may only get worse. The behaviors you describe sound like he is well on the road to jail. The sexual activity your daughter described is not an innocent game. He was molesting her and using manipulation and power to get what he wanted. I know you are distraught. However, what would you do if you learned that the a 16 year old neighbor had been molesting your daughter over a number of years? My guess, is you would call the police immediately.
You have no guarantee he will stop molesting. From your description, it sounds like he has not accepted his blended family. He feels out of control. He is exerting power where he is "going to show you" what he thinks of this new family. The fact that he engaged in sexual activity with your daughter shows you the lengths he will go to disrupt/destroy the family. Don't give up on him, but don't put yourself, your daughter or other family members at risk.
I can tell you are overwhelmed. It probably seems like your world is coming apart and try as you may, you can't keep things together. And as a parent, that feels awful. You are not failing. You recognize there are some serious family issues that must be addressed. When I am overwhelmed, I tend to move into panic mode as well as what I call my "I can't because." For every good suggestion offered I will have a reason it won't work. Because I am afraid. I might do the wrong thing. Folks can listen and support. In the end, You just gotta do.
If you have a friend to confide in, a sibling, someone who can listen, lean on them. Get into a group that addresses issues blended families face. Your son's behavior is clear evidence of how much he needs counseling. Your daughter needs counseling to address her feelings of why her brother abused her. I know about this, as I was sexually abused by one of my brothers on a daily basis starting when i was 6 years old and lasting until I was 16 years. The experience, the secrecy, the feeling of helplessness (if you tell...) and his powerfulness pretty much destroyed my childhood and adolescence. Fortunately, I have been able to count on a good therapist and some close friends. A counselor or therapist that works with kids can help her address her feelings at the appropriate level for an 8 year old.
You are in a very difficult situation. Be kind to yourself as you navigate the challenges. It's so easy to dismiss what we have done in a pressured situation. So I will help identify what I think you have done thus far: you have identified the family blending concerns, your son's out of control behavior, your daughter's experience of abuse, the effect of the chaos on everyday family life, your own efforts to address all of the concerns noted above, your sense of loss and despair, your need for support... Wow, strong woman there!
"Everything that is essential is invisible to the eye."
The Little Prince