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Molestation/Sexual Exploration between family members

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I am very shaken up about a recent situation between my 12 yr old half sister and my 7 yr old daughter. My husband and I caught our daughter with our iPhone early yesterday morning. She was on YouTube under the search "sex". We were both completely caught off guard and shocked. We immediately stopped Nd had a conversation with our daughter about what his she knew what that word is and why she was looking at that on YouTube. We had a very long talk and our daughter was crying a lot stating she heard it from daycare and was curious. Long story short, we thought we had a good conversation and didn't punish her for being curious. (We are very private parents when it comes to those topics). We told her she can always come ask us if she is curious about anything she's never heard of. WELL, our daughter came back to me after she left the room and was hysterically crying.  I asked if I could talk to her alone and we went to my room and she began to tell me how my 12 yr old half sister would show her those dirty videos on YouTube from her iPod. I immediately was in complete shock. My daughter went on to tell me that she would have her watch the videos and my daughter and her would do what they were doing on the video. She said my sister would touch her at her private parts and my daughter would do the same. My sister even made her get on top and "hump" her. My daughter said she didn't know what to do and was scared to get my sister in trouble. She said she also didn't want to get in trouble because she knew it was wrong. My daughter said sometimes their panties were on and off. She said One time she told my sister that it was gross and she said that she needed to stop. She doesn't remember how many times or how long this has been going on. I am COMPLETELY FUROUS at my 12 yr old sister and have no clue how to approach my mother about this situation. My daughter has never been exposed to anything sexual so I don't know if she was curious or if this should be taken as child molestation. I had to tell my daughter to feel comfortable telling me anything at all times and that she is not gross or dirty but that what happened was inappropriate. My daughter goes to my moms at least once a month. My husband is beyond upset and does not know how we need to approach this situation. We are both confused and our daughters safety comes first. Please help!!

Answer
Priscilla, Take some time to study up on childhood sexual development phases. Our curiosity about our bodies and the bodies of others starts really early, not just at puberty.

http://www.parenthood.com/article-topics/the_stages_of_sexual_development.html
http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/sexual_health/development.html  among hundreds of sites with this kind of info.

Considering your daughter's exposure to active sexual behaviors, your birds and the bees talk needs to be ongoing and active, helping her to understand what the process is for her and others, as their bodies mature. If your daughter is showing signs of behavioral changes, which are consistent with childhood sexual abuse, then some counseling needs to be considered. Learning teaching EFT to her might help you all, in cases such as this. Neutralizing trauma at an early age will prevent her from suffering for it later on in life. Check out sites like:
www.EFTuniverse.com  and www.eft.mercola.com for details about how to learn and use this easy healing technique to neutralize trauma quickly and completely.

Beyond the above, it is time for the "family meeting" to discuss your sister's behaviors with your daughter and your mom, so everything is out in the open.  

As for being "private parents," you will have to be a lot more forthcoming in your approach to sexuality now, especially given the easy access to the kind of videos that your sister already has downloaded and your daughter's exposure to it. These are trying times for parents, but when you are armed with information about these subjects, your actions can be more thoughtful and directed, rather than being reactive and scattered, showing indecisiveness and anger/confusion. Your daughter is modeling all of your behaviors, so what you show here will be a lasting memory and guide for her own behaviors later in life.

Every parent is going to face these subjects and we all learned about sex one way or the other, so better to educate our children directly, rather than have them find out all of this stuff on their own from their peers.

William Silver

Molestation

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William Silver

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I can address all questions about physical, sexual, emotional trauma and how to eliminate the effects from your life. I specialize in assisting clients with a 1 to 3-hour session that can discharge all of the negative feelings around any type of emotionally based problem. I can direct you to some websites where you can download information to assist you and your loved ones with emotional problems. I can also assist directly on the phone or via email, in addition to personal sessions, here in San Diego, California. I am not a licensed therapist, lawyer or law enforcement officer.

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I have been a holistic health therapist for a total of over 15 years, specializing in anxiety-phobia, trauma release work.

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TFT/EFT training, Cranio-Sacral Therapy, SHEN, Reiki, Hypnotherapy.

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