Almost 2 months ago I met my partner whilst on holiday. We had a real connection and after a week I had a job lined up and moved in with him. A couple days after moving in he got into trouble with the law and got remanded in custody. He was a farmer and our house came with the job. Which we lost when he got arrested. During his bail hearing I met his uncle and aunt. They invited me to come and live with them. My partner would join us when he would gain bail, which will take another 2 to 3 weeks.
My immidiate family does not talk about feelings nor anything of sexual nature. It felt strange how open the uncle talked about sexuality and sensuality. Thinking it must be normal for certain families I opened up and talked about sex very openly with him. The uncle has been frustrated because his wife won't have sex with him (they are trying for IVF), and he has been open about it.
During our conversations the comfort boundary kept being moved. We discussed everything sexual. He openly said I excited him. I did not know how to react on this information. I felt unable to bluntly reject him (have been raped several months ago and abused by previous partners).
Over the past few days he had been holding my hand and stroking my legs and hips.
Tonight I was intoxicated after my partner did not receive the bail we expected. The uncle started touching and stroking me. After pathetic attempts of keeping him away from my breasts and area's further down, I let him touch me. It was exciting in a wrong way. But I allowed it. Then it went further, he pushed himself inside, which I did not want. He came inside of me. It made me feel like throwing up. I am not sure what to do. I am dependent on him and his wife. I have no income nor any other support. I love my partner and want to tell him what happend. But when he get's out of jail he too will be dependent on the uncle and wife for the coming year.
Could you advice me on how to deal with this situation? I am still trying to deal with the violent rape which happend months ago. Which I told the uncle about in confidence. I hope it was a one off, that the uncle will be in control of his sexuality until my partner comes home. How do I say no against someone who takes care of me like he would his own family?
Linde, As an adult you are responsible for your actions and not keeping boundaries fully established. You must address this immediately with him and not become intoxicated around this guy to setup the pattern once again. If he fails to agree (and should apologize to you) then speak with his wife about it.
Tell him, "You have had your fun with me once and I allowed it once, but no more. My body is not part of the arrangement here." Remind him of your rape incident and that you are trying to recover from that. See a local counselor or church resource to find out if/where they have some kind of support groups or assistance for rape victims and get help.
The EFT process is highly effective for healing PTSD symptoms after a trauma. EFT is offered worldwide. Check the www.eft.mercola.com site among many others for assistance and information about this helpful work.
You have to establish yourself with some kind of work away from the house. Don't allow the security of a place to stay to be the crutch that you stand upon. IF you don't establish some rules and guidelines with these people you will be their sex slave until they get tired of you and throw you out, anyway. A quick conversation with these people is going to tell you whether this was a one-off or if it will be expected of you during your entire stay. I don't think you want that, so continue to develop other options of places to stay with people you know or find support from local shelters for abused women, etc.
Your body is YOURS, so protect it fiercely and do not let someone take advantage of you in this way, any more. If you do stay there, do your part to work off the energy exchange, but don't let your guard down and allow a repeat of this incident again.