Molestation/Daughter molested now worried about other children
Just for a little back ground, I was in a physically abusive relationship with my live in boyfriend for 13 years. We split up a few months ago, a short amount of time after I finally had the nerve to confront him for sexual touching my daughter (who is now 22) years before when she was about 10. I did not know about this until last summer when my daughter for some reason felt it was time to tell me. At that time he admitted to this, stating that he was glad he didnt "cross the line." because he just rubbed her through her shorts, and she freaked out tell him that she would tell me if he didnt stop. She was fearful of him since she wittnessed the abuse that he did to me.
After she told me about it, some of the things that bothered me in the past seemed to make more sense. Like he used to by magizines with names like "barely legal" & "Cheery Pie", the girls in the magizine where legal yet they looked to be about 12-15, He also used to beg me to completely shave my pubic area, and got very excite the one time I did.
This was never foramlly reported since it is past the statue of limitation for my state. Yet, my daughter disclosed it to an officer when I was assulted by him, the same day as our first court hearing for custody and visitation of Our two daughters (age 12 and 3.)He informed me that I should report it to CPS, more or less to put him on alert that he will be watched. I have not done this because I do not want people thinking that its made up because we are in the prosess of basiscly a divorce.
As of now he lives with his parents, so I am somewhat comfortable with my oldest going there to visit (do not let me youngest go overnight) But recently I have discoved that he has been asking my 12 year old to have friends come over and spent the night, and this is making me very uncomfortable. But I dont know what to do. my 12 year old knows about him molesting her sister (she overheard the conversation with the officer), so I have informed her that I dont feel that its approriate for her friends to be there around him, she responded by saying it would be fine since grandma doesnt sleep when she is there to make sure he doesnt do anything to her. This has now got me very concerned. I am stuck as to what I need to do, because like i said I dont want people saying its made up just to get back at him, but I cant allow him to do this to another child. What would you suggest I do???
Kaylee, I wouldn't trust "grandma" to stay up all night watching over a bunch of pre-teens! Just be firm with your daughter and tell her "no" and that's it. I hope that you have coached your 12 year old to report any kind of inappropriate touching as well as starting to enforce those rules on your 3 year old.
Once this man is out of the house and out of your life, then you can chaperon some sleep overs with the girls at your house.
An abuser is an abuser, unless he gets some serious therapy and changes his life. After all this time, I wouldn't trust him to turn over a new leaf.
You don't have to "explain" your protective actions to anyone. Just take a stand, as you are doing now and be firm with it. Think about getting some help for yourself, after enduring years of abuse. It doesn't just go away once he's gone. The mind-body has trauma memories that need healing and that requires some direct therapy help. I endorse the EFT process that is widely used and discussed on the internet. See sites like www.eft.mercola.com for info.