You are here:

Molestation/Am I making too much of this

Advertisement


Question
I myself was abused as a child so I tend to be over protective of my children. My Ex husband left our 12yr old daughter alone with his girlfrien and their 1yr old son. His girlfriend kept saying to her son doesn't your sister have a big butt, look at her big butt over and over. My daughter was afraid to tell me how uncomfortable this made her. She told her 22yr old sister my stepdaughter who called me and told me. I confronted my ex with this and he said he would handle it . I was creeped out and enraged I don't want my daughter alone with this woman anymore. Am I making too much of this? Or am I right this is highly inappropriate and something I should worry about. I don't think anyone should be looking at my 12yr olds butt or commenting on it at all.

Thank you for your advice in advance.

Answer
Its hard to say completely without knowing the people but I know some people are innocently just out of line.  By innocent I don't agree with what shes saying but I don't know if its anything to worry about.  I have seen parents do and say things I don't agree with when kids are young, I had my son's father's exwife used to do this with their daughters.  She would buy them this sexy bikini silky underwear when they were only in 1st and 2nd grade!  Then she would talk to them about boyfriends and kissing boys.  I was outraged but this sounds like this woman may have similar ethics.  

I would like to say its nothing to worry about unless it continues as it is completely inappropriate and more so its making your daughter uncomfortable.  It should be addressed and I would follow your instincts, if you don't feel comfortable having your daughter over then press that with your ex.  

So at this point I think it may be harmless but certainly something to watch.  

Molestation

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Alex

Expertise

It is very hard to come out and talk about a family member violating you. When I was very young I was molested by my father. I have gone through and continue to go through the effect this has had on me and my family. My mother is in full support, my middle sister refuses to believe it and thinks I was confused and my eldest sister believes me but continues to speak to our father.

The abuse has had a huge impact on my relationships with men. I have had to work through trying to mix sex and love. I had a huge fear of intimacy for many years. I have gone to counseling for approximately one year and have read various self help books for sexual abuse survivors. Itís been a slow process but I can finally see some light at the end of the tunnel. This is not to say I am completely healed though. I don't know if that will ever happen.

Try not to take to hard is when you do come forward and people don't believe you. They may think you are lying and doing it for attention. Just understand some people canít deal with things like this and have to tell themselves its not true. They canít imagine this person they think so highly of doing something so bad; but they do, it happens everyday. You have to learn to work through it and you will be a stronger, better, more compassionate person in the end.

Experience

I was molested by my father and continue to deal with the fact not all of of my family believes me. It is hard for me as this is my family. I have to remember that regardless of my experience my sisters do share the father I do and deal with things the best way they can.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.