Molestation/Overcoming the past
Hi there, I just stumbled upon this website and I realizes it may be the key to me getting better. I'm 16 years old and I'm struggling being molested the majority of my life, by my three older brothers. I don't remember how it began, I just remember it getting worse and worse. I had to do things such as, oral sex etc. I'm still a virgin. No one in the world knows this secret except for my boyfriend. I never told him who molested me though. I really need help. I can't orgasm. When recieving any sexual pleasure, be it masturbation or oral, I burst into tears right at my peak. Which completely turns me off and makes me instantly depressed. I don't know how to fix this, and I don't think it's normal. Please help. Please.
Kristy, at 16, you have more important things to focus on for your future than mastering sexual pleasure. Young teens are highly susceptible to becoming pregnant and being exposed to many kinds of STDS. I hope you can rein in your sexual activities until a time when you are more mentally and emotionally mature to be able to handle sexual intimacy safely and with confidence. Your brain isn't going to mature until you are about 25 years old, so you have a long way to go, so think about the future and how you want it to be. Your mind and body are going through major changes at your age and you need all the support you can get. Diving in to sexual activities now is basically a "self-treatment" option to try to block out the trauma of the past and the anxiety that those memories produce. It is not an effective therapy for teenagers or anyone who has been molested and sexually assaulted.
That said, your current issues are undoubtedly tied to your sexual assaults from your brothers. This should have been reported to your parents years ago. Your brothers need to be accountable for their actions and know that this kind of treatment of girls/women is NOT OK. If they are left to do as they please in the future, who knows what kind of damage they will do to other girls in the future.
No, your responses to sexual pleasuring are not "normal" and it is due to your molestation experiences and the traumatic memories associated with it. Your mistreatment goes beyond PTSD onto what is often described as C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), where the abuse goes on for years and you feel you have no choice to do anything about it. You can't really "fix it" on your own. You should be receiving counseling from an experienced sexual abuse expert, but the normal therapy channels will probably put you on drugs and endless office visits.
Search "EFT and New Jersey" (city), looking for EFT practitioners who can help you break the spell of the traumatic memories and all the harsh treatment you have experienced. EFT is a self-help technique, but in cases such as yours, you really need to see someone who can take you through the worst parts of it first. This "tapping" technique can quickly begin to ease your symptoms and allow you the confidence to speak your truth about this and anything else that comes up in your future that impedes your progress as a person of value to society.
I'll pray that you find effective help and make wise decisions in the future. The sex can wait, but your healing can't.