Molestation/Cousin sexual molestation
I don't know if this is considered sexual assault/ molestation or not? I believe it is, but I have told some of my family members what happened when I was younger and they just cant believe it!
I know that when I was in grammar school my uncle would touch me in ways that I did not like. He would sit very close to me and rub my legs when I was wearing shorts and on occasion hug and force a kiss on me. It makes me uncomfortable just talking about it, because he is my Uncle. What do you do? I would try to avoid him at all cost.
He was not the only one that did things to me. I felt weird being around any guy/men during family events! I didn't want them to touch me or give me a hug. I live in a duplex house and my grandparents lived in the back house, so we had a few cousins from Mexico staying in the back. Well one time I had stayed with my aunt and my cousin, but she went out to talk to her boyfriend for a few minutes outside. I was left alone with my cousin who was in high school and felt uncomfortable! He started to close the curtains and turn on the music a little louder and asked me to sit next to me. I'm talking about it right now and my heart is racing! He pulled down his zipper and made me touch him and then proceeded to touch me. I just did it because I didn't know what else to do. I was scared. He wanted us to go to the room, but I said no! He kept insisting, but I kept saying, No! I have to tell you that I started to get hot and bothered. I didn't know what to do! Suddenly, I heard my aunt coming back to my grandmother's house and he just moved away and put his pants up! I was scared and didn't say anything. He always wanted me to go with him to the local store and could not say no. My mother would say to go and help him bring whatever he was going to bring. I had to and on the way back he would always put his fingers inside me. I didn't want it to continue, but I didn't know what to do. He was my cousin!
He did several other thing to me after that, like touch my breast, insert his fingers and tried on many occasions for me to go into the room with him. I said no and just tried to isolate myself!
I know I blocked it out of my mind, since I cant recall a lot of my younger days. I was just traumatized that these two people were my family and I have not been able to tell my mom. I have told a few of my aunts and some of my cousins what my cousin did to me, but not what my uncle did to me. I feel that what my cousin did to me was much worse than my uncle. I later found that this same cousin had done the same thing to my younger sister. My sister had told my mom and nothing was done. I was so mad! I could not believe it.
What can I do when your own family just sweeps this under the rug, like it never even happened?? It makes me feel dirty and that its not important! Its worse when he apparently does not think he did anything wrong. He feels that we both liked it, because I was touching him as well. I felt so scared and now I feel like shit.
I am now in my early 40's and feel like I should say or do something! What can I do to make my family realize that what my cousin / uncle did was wrong?
Family reunions are a time to get together and remember the good times and visit with family members you have not seen in some time, but how can I be a hypocrite and give these people a hug! I'm having a hard time accepting this and don't know what to do? Please help. Should I try to contact my cousin and let him know how I still feel about him or what????
Muffy, any time, at any age when you say NO and someone keeps touching you inappropriately, then it is sexual assault. You didn't mention your age then or the age of your cousin, but it sounds like you were being taken advantage of and he should have stopped when you told him to.
Parents are often unwilling/unable to face the facts that their children have sexual feelings and interactions with each other before puberty. Certainly, your abuse from your cousin outweighs your experiences with your uncle, but he should have known better than to touch you in that way.
It appears that you are not going to be able to convince your family about what happened and how it has affected you, so you just need to take care of your unresolved trauma memories. I would contact your cousin to let him know how much he has scarred you in the abuse. Perhaps, he is smart enough to realize that he caused damage to you and will apologize for his actions.
The best way I know of is to use the EFT (sometimes called tapping) method to clear out your old emotional wounds and horrific memories. Go to the www.emofree.com site or www.eft.mercola.com site for more information, but I would recommend that you find an EFT practitioner in your area who can help you directly. Search: EFT.. and your city/area to find someone near you who can help guide you through the process.
I hope this is helpful for you,