Molestation/Uncle turned weird
Hi Mr. Silver. I am a 28 year old female who has run into a concerning issue with my dear uncle. This man helped raise me when my biological father dipped out and my step dad wasn't doing a bang up job either. I always looked up to him and could go to him for advice and encouragement. He was in a sense, my hero.
2 years ago I started going up to my family's campground after a break up with a boyfriend, alone. My uncle pretty much retired there as he spends the entire camping season up at the campgrounds. So everyone knew it'd be wonderful for me to get to spend time with my uncle. Unfortunately, my uncle has always been a drinker, and since retiring, the drinking got worse. During this camping season 2 years ago, my uncle shockingly began seeing me as a sexual being. And began asking me a bunch of sexual questions and telling me a bunch of sexual information about his marriage to my aunt. It was my uncle, so I thought it would be fine to talk about SOME things a little since at the time I was not a very confidant person. I learned some things I did NOT want to know... and at the end of it, I felt... well, dirty and wrong. I shook it off as just a weird thing with my uncle and moved on.
Two years later, my uncle is now being touchy feely with me(grabs my hips, slaps my ass), saying suggestive things to me(I'll let you get dressed, since you won't get undressed with me) and it's gotten to a point where I do not feel comfortable or exactly safe around him anymore. I told him what he said and does makes me uncomfortable, but he brushes it off as I am just being sensitive. I don't want to tell my aunt since we already have a rocky relationship, and I don't want to tell my mom. I was molested once as a young child by another family member, no one found out since I kept quiet out of shame, so this has become a nightmare for me. It has triggered memories I buried deep down and is now causing panic attacks and nightmares... but somehow I feel I opened this up on myself by even allowing the discussion to happen years ago. So I feel I brought it on myself...
I don't know what to do and talking with my family is not an option... this is now a great disturbance in my life...
Courtney, depending upon the kind of relationship you have with your mother, I would suggest that she be informed of both your childhood molestation and the current situation, just to have an outlet to share your feelings and for her to better understand what's going on.
Alcoholics can justify anything and can be master manipulators when they are trying to get something to make them feel better inside, even when the end result is a disaster. People change and although your uncle was a positive part of your upbringing, he's failing in his job now. He's not going to take "no" for an answer until you are firm and consistent with your stance to not be his next sexual conquest. His rocky marriage and alcohol problems will only get worse until he seeks help for himself and his relationship.
Because of your molestation as a child, the triggering of your anxiety attacks is an expected response to your uncle's actions. You need to take care of that unresolved trauma first, so you can express more self-confidence with others, especially your uncle.
Your choices are to suffer in silence until you have a total breakdown, seek conventional counseling (which will probably include medications and great time/expense) or seek out a local EFT practitioner for assistance. This "tapping" technique is highly effective at neutralizing past traumas and the associated feelings that come from trauma events, including panic attacks. You can find out more about EFT at sites like www.eft.mercola.com and www.eftuniverse.com
You can also do a web search for "EFT" and your local city, to find someone who can help you.
While this is a self-help technique and easily learned, in cases such as yours an experienced guide would be highly recommended in the beginning. Once you have cleared the old traumas, you will discover a different person inside; one who can stand up for herself, be heard and respected.