Molestation/Stuck in the middle
I was wondering if it's true that "kids don't lie". I have a preteen daughter who recently told me that my husband, her dad touched her while she was sleeping. When she told me she cried and said she didn't want the family to be ruined because of her. I assured her that he was wrong NOT her! When he got off work she wanted to be there with me while I asked him about it before I sent him on his way. He denied it and said he would leave #before I told him to#. The next day we had an interview with the protection services. They said she needs to see a therapist and they don't think she is lying because kids don't lie about things like this and also because she wanted to be there when I confronted him. I on the other hand can't say who I believe. I am doing what I have to do to protect my kids incase but am afraid that they will just assume she isn't lying. They are giving him a lie detector test, which I want, but also wonder that because this is a huge allegation and he is hurt over it, will that play a roll in the test because of his emotional state? I don't know what to do, I don't want him to get away with it if he's done it, but don't want him in prison if he hasn't. Any insight would be greatly appreciated!
Alexis, well that is a pretty tough "she said-he said" situation, but one that needs to be resolved in truth before a final decision is made about whether your husband stays or goes.
I would never say "Kids don't lie" about sexual innuendos and molestation claims, but when they do there is generally some kind of disturbance in the relationship that isn't going the way that the child would want. Kids will take sides, hold a grudge and try to make life miserable for other children and adults, when sufficiently motivated (at least in their minds). When puberty kicks in and children start to act out in more independent ways, they can and will do/say hurtful things, just because they it makes them feel powerful or brings them to the center of attention. I am not saying this is the case with your daughter, however, but more of a generalization. Sometimes, when a child is molested or sexually assaulted by another child/teen/adult, they will transfer the experience to an adult that they are having issues with, just to deflect the blame/shame away from themselves and their actual molesters.
The fact that she wanted to be there with you, when the confrontation took place seems a strong indicator that she is telling the truth. I get more than my share of dad-daughter molestation questions and stories here and it seems incredible that some men can't keep their hands off of their children, sexually, but it happens more than you would realize.
That said, she could have had a strong, vivid dream that something was happening to her and believed it when she woke up. OR it really DID happen to her and she is being a strong and smart girl who is speaking up for herself, which is admirable for a girl her age under the circumstances.
If the lie detector test comes out clean, then it puts a different spin on things. If not, you could infer that he was stressed and his emotional state put him at risk of failing the test, but most experienced technicians will take all of that into consideration.
How do YOU feel about this situation. What does your gut tell you? When you look your husband and daughter in the eyes, what do you see and feel from them? Someone is telling the truth and someone is telling a serious lie. You can't rest until the truth comes out for sure. IF your daughter did experience molestation trauma, she needs to have that cleared out with effective therapy. I use the EFT process for helping clients with sexual abuse experiences and traumatic memories so that they don't carry them further into the future.
For EFT info go to sites like: www.eft.mercola.com www.emofree.com www.eftuniverse.com and many more. Doing a local websearch using EFT and your city name will usually bring up local practitioners who can be of great assistance in neutralizing negative experiences in anyone's mind. It is a drug-free option, fast and effective at eliminating or neutralizing trauma of all kinds.
I hope this is helpful for you,