Molestation/24 year old case
i understand that the longer we wait the more molestation cases become a he said, she said story but what if the abuser is a cousin that goes to family events and says things like... I will always love you?.... what if he tried raping his sister in law and that no one believes her so she turned to drugs? what if over 24 years ago he almost got killed by his then girlfriend as she found him with their daughter doing inappropriate things. Where to start so HE can stop controlling my sister's and my life as every time we see him around we get paranoid with our kids?
from a very upset guest at a family wedding
SVC... Sexual predators are pretty much like alcoholics in that they deny that they have a problem and are master manipulators at getting people to do things they don't want to do or to deflect attention to themselves for their misdeeds.
How do you know that he hasn't changed in 24 years? What has he done recently to reinforce the beliefs that he is "still that guy"? I am not saying that to defend him, but 24 years is a long time to stay "stuck" in a certain behavior. Maybe he still is, maybe not.
I don't think he is actively "controlling" your lives, he is just getting away with whatever you are allowing him to do. STAND UP, TAKE CHARGE, MAKE ACCUSATIONS, FILE REPORTS, TAKE ACTION...
He, obviously, isn't going to turn himself in for any misdeeds that he may have committed or almost committed. If you continue to let him be the way he is with your family, he will take advantage of it, every time.
If you or any member of your family has unresolved traumas, related to him or not, it is way past time to clear them out, so that fear, guilt, shame and any other issues that are holding you all back are finished. Once the fear is gone, you are empowered to take action and stand up for yourselves, speak your truth and see how he acts/reacts then.
Find an EFT practitioner in your area who can help you all resolve any traumatic memories from the past, so you can feel empowered to move forward in your lives and put him in his place, if it comes to that.
I imagine that if you all stand up to him in a united front, he will clearly get the message and back down... maybe even say he's sorry and ask for forgiveness. There is no magic wand to wave to make him be different without concerted efforts.