Molestation/Was I molested but don't remember it?
When I was three we moved here. The neighbor was already living next door. He was around a lot. He started coming over right after we moved here. He was around so much it was like he was part of the family. He went into the hospital when I was 7 or 8 and died when I was 8. From the age of three to like 7/8 he was around me a lot. My parents trusted him, thinking he was just a nice old man. The whole family trusted him. It's called adult grooming. He was very generous with money and took mom and me places. Now my parents trusted him. So, I assume as I played on the porch I stayed on the porch with him as mom went in the house to make coffee. Now from 3 to 7 or 8 he was around me a lot. I'm concerned he may have molested me but I don't remember. I have a flashback of something really evil happening in his room one day but my mind has blocked out what happened. I just remember standing there [I was like between the hallway and his bedroom] and I remember his bed.
How can I know if he hurt me? If he did I am sure I wouldn't have told because I have trouble expressing when I'm in pain or scared.
I'm scared because I know it's very likely since he was around me for years. I'm concerned because someone said he was supposed to have molested a child before. And I found out from someone he had thoughts of me in a bad sexual way. The person found out because he got an erection while looking at me. I assume since he thought of me that time he thought of me in a bad sexual way more than once.
I read even thinking about a child sexually is child sexual abuse. That and his grand daughter had intercourse in front of me when I was 8 in the kitchen window. I heard that counts as sexual abuse,too. By the time he was dead I think she was already moved in his home.
Is it possible to be around a child molester for over 4 years and not get hurt by him?
Michelle, your question/description certainly contains a lot of fear and concern, which sounds like it is coming more from your mind than your body. Your mind-body does keep track of incidents where it is traumatized and will react to similar situations if they arise again in the future.
When children are molested or sexually assaulted, their behaviors change radically, in most cases. Your mother or other guardian would have noticed something changing radically, had something serious occurred.
When molestation does happen, children often recall their experiences in detail, even from a young age. One of my favorite sayings is that "Your mind would rather be right than happy" and this applies to your right brain functions that try to "figure things out" and make sense of your life experiences. It is the troubleshooter and protector. It isn't too concerned about "feelings" and happiness. If you aren't being triggered by being around men or being too uncomfortable in boy-girl situations, then there is a good chance that somehow this man left you alone, instead of acting on his child molester programming.
You didn't state your age, so I am not too sure about whether you have passed the 25 year old threshold, where your brain has finished making it's connections and settles down as an adult. However, as you grow and mature, mentally and emotionally, you have a different perspective of right-wrong and what is safe and what is not. You are using your more mature mind to "judge" what may or may not have happened to you when you had an immature mind.
My question back to you is: Why are you scared of someone who is dead and cannot hurt you or may not have hurt you in the past? If you read scary books, watch scary movies and hear scary stories from others, you can be influenced by the details, even though they never happened directly to you. A lot of phobias can occur in childhood from unnecessary exposure to violence and fear situations, even those which are just on the screen.
Because you have asked the question, you seek some kind of assurance and/or healing of the past memories, real or not. So, my suggestion is that you track down a local EFT practitioner and have them work with you for a session or two, to clear whatever fears you are carrying now. You can find out about EFT at www.eft.mercola.com www.emofree.com and www.eftuniverse.com
Your final question: Is it possible to be around a child molester for over 4 years and not get hurt by him? The answer can be YES and it may be YES in your case. Is this "normal" for this kind of situation? Perhaps not, but you and your own soul have some kind of plan for your life and it may not have included being sexually molested as a child. Even if something DID happen, using EFT will neutralize whatever happened and you can move forward into the future without carrying unnecessary fear and concerns. Once you have experienced EFT, you can learn to use it on yourself at any time for nearly anything that comes up to upset you.
I hope this reply has been helpful for you, Michelle.