Molestation/boyfriend fondling his children
I am a 47 year old single female and met my boyfriend 7 months ago through a mutual friend. He went through a difficult divorce where he loved his ex and the battle was brutle. She left. He is a therapist and was fired from numerous jobs and now works mainly out of his home.
He has 3 kids from 14 to 10 and then 8. He has them every other week. I not only fell in love with him, I fell in love with his kids too. I noticed many things that were odd but my boyfriend insisted that it was a tough divorce and the kids were affected. His daughter Brenna is very sexual, they all are. My boyfriend encourages open talk such as saying cock, having pictures of reproductive genatalia on the refridgerator, co sleeping in the same bed every night with all of them. The ten year old daughter comes to his bed often and lays between his legs and he is only in his underwear. She uses his groin as her pillow. The son is to his right and my boyfriend swears the son needs a massage every night to be to bed. He is rubbed all over. There are lots of wrestling and tickling games. There was a video made by my boyfriend and his 14 yearold of food in the kitchen that looked like male genetalia and they all laughed of it.
My boyfriend works with adolescents. He believes that boys have testesterone poisoning and need to be treated for that other wise it gets out of hand. He says be getting threatening and big and mean and then treating them with loving touches is a way to treat the testesterone poisoning.
The ex wife and him have an explosive relationship but he still tries and manipulates her through intimidation if she is 15 minutes late he tells me he needs to text her to get her to listen to him. they go through ups and downs. he often talks about her mental health because he is a therapist and tells me about her diagnosis.
When we watch tv each night all on the same big couch or in his bed, covers are sometimes put over the kids. The 10 year old daughter on one side and the 8 year old on the other side. he rubs them down to get them to sleep. They can be very hyper other times. The 10 year old stands up at the dinner table and farts and my boyfriend says its normal for her age. She told me one night I fell asleep on the couch, she farted in my face and liked it. My boyfriend thought I was making a big deal about it.
My boyfriend talks about his ex wife all the time. She is very beautiful and he said it crushed him when she left four years ago. She is with another man whom she has a two year old son and they are to be married next year. My boyfriend was upset when he heard they were getting married even though she has an engagment ring on. When i asked why he was so upset about it, he said she just kept it from him and told him that she was never getting married, it was just a promise ring.
We have been talking about me moving in and selling my home. I was very happy, but then he said that he was going to be taking clients late into the evening and I would be watching his kids til 8:30 and that would work great. He said it would free him to get things done during the day. He said he loves to treat pedophiles and that is a huge part of his clientele. Those and troubled youth that come from foster homes. He told me he wants to have a boys ranch. He told me he belonged to a church where he ran drugs and weapons and other illegal things and that the people in charge at the church were so involved with many other members of the community that they would never suspect.
He talks about how to groom a victim and that it takes a long time. But basically he strips them psychically of everything and creates a starving child and sends it into the desert. Then when said child gets anything at all, it is so thankful for any tidbit of love and or affection. He told me this is how I was. He often would tell his kids to fuck off that they were idiots and cut them down so bad they began to shudder and cry. Then he would shove them off the chair and push them away saying he didn't want to look at them. the kids would cry and later come to him and apologize and then he gave them special attention of rubs and hugs and kisses. Fear and manipulation and intimidation.
He does not hit them. shoves or swears at them or calls them idiots but then gives them attention.
After being there last night when he had me leave to pick up his daughter from volleyball so his ex wife could drop off the other two kids, I knew something was amiss.
He likes to have all the kids in the neighborhood at his house. He plays with them all the time. He has no adult friends. He says children are pure and true and adults are messed up. He was severely beaten by his mother, but strangely talks to her several times a day and sees her just about every day, she lives a few blocks away.
He says he likes "tick" checks for the kids. He has professional talks to foster parents of children who abuse sexually in order to gain more business. But yet, he walks around the house in his underwear and lets his kids lay in between his legs and strap their legs around him as they all watch a movie together. I fell asleep on the couch one night and he said to his 14 year old daughter, "Come, lets go up to my bed now and we can watch a movie there together and go to sleep." He left me on the couch. He expects me to be there to pick up and drop off kids, buy them things, paint bedrooms, fold their clothes, but does nothing other then send texts during the day. He expects me there all the time, every night. i am laying low these past few days due to health issues and after finding porn and kiddie porn on his phone again. He did admit to watching kiddie porn in an email but said it was for research.
I am sick to my stomach after writing this. I didn't realize how badly I have been conned into thinking that someone loves me. He is trying to get someone to watch his kids for him, pay his bills and be a cover to a lifestyle that is illegal and unethical.
I am praying for healing and that I don't throw up all weekend from realizing what a damned fool I was yet again. There is sooo much more of the pedophilia part that I can't even say or write...This guy was the best and most adept at being a con artist. Any one looking to date a therapist with three kids and a crazy ex wife, watch out....there is a lot of things here that can go awry.
So i go back to my simple life and I am ok with that.
Gina, I read through your extended story, but really didn't see a question in it, however it does look like you have had a sizable realization about your relationship with this man.
He sounds like he needs the help of a "real" therapist who understands where this guy is coming from and what the potentials are for child-harming for the kids. There are cultures where sexuality is more open and natural, but I don't think that where you live qualifies.
The use of EFT healing work would do all involved a lot of good. If he had a damaged childhood, he needs to release the traumas of the past, in order to clear out a lot of his current compulsions and sexual addictions. I have never heard of "Testosterone poisoning" as a medical term. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testosterone_poisoning
Sexual predators are like alcoholics in that they become master manipulators at getting people to help them cover up their sins and make it all seem natural. You have seen the errors of your ways, in trusting him and his lies, so time to move on and perhaps give a heads up to the local authorities. Yes, he sucked you into his life for his own benefits and you got the lesson loud and clear now. Give thanks that it hasn't gone further than it has and that you can now opt-out before things get a lot worse around there.
Find out more about EFT by either just browsing for "EFT" and the city that you live in. An EFT practitioner can help you out quickly and effectively, which will empower you more than you ever imagined to speak your truth and to be grounded and clear about who you are and what your own needs are, especially in relationships.
Blessings for a brighter future,