Molestation/Post effects of childhood molestation
QUESTION: I'm 29 years old male. At the age of 5 or 6 my neighbor asked me to touch his penis and I comply. After that this activity continues till I was at age 13. He even rubed his penis between my legs. I never told anyone. Also my teacher do same things with me to which I go for tuition. I got use to of it and even enjoyed but I don't remember that I got erection at that time. After that we switched the home and their I tried to find someone to do those things with me for 4 years. At age of 17 I had a friend of my age I lured him and he first time fucked me. This continue for 1 year till he transferred to other university. I find another guy who fucked me for 4 years of engineering almost three times a week. At age of 22 I got job at different city over there is a guy who fucked me for 5 years till he got married and left me. Now I'm married too but still my heart feel for the other guys. I don't get quick erection but I have to rub for 1 min before intercourse with my wife. also after getting hard if I wait for some time I get soft. in night I got many erections. Also I started to masturbate at the age of 19 as previously I don't know how to do that . Kindly suggest me why I don't get erect as other guys do? is it childhood trauma or something else? Even with boys I don't got hard instantaneously and when I feel hot drops appear on my penis without erection. Please help me I don't want to be gay and faithful to my wife.
ANSWER: Usman, There are many considerations to ponder in your question here. It seems like you have been having sexual experiences with men for over 20 years, so far and I assume that you get a lot of pleasure out of those moments.
Being gay is not really a choice in life. In your heart of hearts, you either lust for men or for women, although you can be bi-sexual too. Whatever the truth is for you, it is what it is. Either you are gay or you are not, at your core.
That aside, your start of sexual experiences at a child DOES affect your emotional/mental programming as you mature. Child sexual abuse traumas go deep in a person's psyche and can affect the nature of adult relationships profoundly.
Sexual "readiness" is something that doesn't happen instantly. There is a process as your body prepares for such events. If your desire for your wife isn't as strong as that for men, then you have some hard-wiring going on that you can't just talk yourself out of, no matter how much you appreciate her.
I don't know if it is culturally correct to have a deep discussion with your wife over sexual matters that pertain to your level of arousal and desire, but it would be a good starting point. You don't necessarily have to give her your life history, but just share that there are times when it is difficult for you to perform the way you would like or that she might like. Heart-to-heart discussions of intimacy can do a lot to improve the quality of your intimate relationship. IF that is not possible or acceptable, you can do other things to increase your emotional connection with her by studying Tantra practices and doing specific emotional healing of your childhood traumas. The EFT process (emotional freedom technique) is widely available and used worldwide to diminish the effects of traumas of all kinds. When those memories are neutralized then your true essence can be more fully expressed and your self-confidence will improve, as well. Look for EFT practitioners who may live and practice in your country/city online. EFT can be self-applied with practice, but it is best to have an experienced guide for the start of this journey. Check sites like: www.emofree.com, www.eftuniverse.com among many, many others on the web.
The common description of the "main sexual organ of the man" is the brain. Whatever you are thinking in an intimate moment will be radiated to your partner and your body's own chemical system, which controls your genitals and the rest of your being. Getting your mind clear will help you in many areas of your life.
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QUESTION: Thank you for the kind and informative reply. I will surely look for EFT. One thing which I want to ask is I never remained active even with men. I don't spontaneously get erect with them but feel lot of drops coming from my penis. However I use to masturbate easily when im alone. Also I have felt many times that im erect while asleep. Can you please tell me is it psychological problem or physical problem? Can you suggest any medication to avoid this phenomena or to smoothen my thoughts? I want to get normal erections while awake I feel very low.
It is normal for men to have nocturnal erections and to have mild discharges of semen when aroused. More info on sites like this...
I never suggest medications, as EFT can usually solve most emotional imbalances and because I am not a doctor and cannot suggest/prescribe drugs.
All indications are that you are functioning normally to me.