Molestation/How to deal with molestation
I was molested by my father when I was 18, inside my room. After what he did, I kept quiet for two years. To me, if I keep quiet, it was my form of denying what happened. I was so scared to talk about it because talking about it would make it real, and i was so scared of that. My room, where the crime took place, became my protection... It become my 'safe place'. I usually stay in my room 95% of the time. I had a very bad attitude towards my father in those two years.
Last January 2013, I confessed to my mom. Since then, it had been the cause of her health deterioration. Atleast, that is what i tell myself. I feel that its my fault.
Now that we are finally moving to a new home WITHOUT my father. It will have three rooms, which means that two people will share a room and my current problem is that I NEED to have my own room. It will keep me the assurance that I need that I am in a safe place. How do I convince my mom to allow me to occupy a small room for my own use? I really dont want to tell it to my siblings, it will cause more problems, I feel it. Please help me how to convince my mom to allow me to have my 'own safe place'?
Dear CML, I understand your need to hide away from this situation, but it doesn't cure the problem, which is to clear the trauma of the event(s) of the past. I'm glad that you were able to finally speak your truth about the incident to your mother, so that she understands what happened to you and your current need to be alone in your "safe place." That was a courageous first step in your healing process, but it needs to continue further.
Your mind-body won't "forget" about what happened and it replays those moments over and over until you take charge and release it permanently. Fortunately, there is a fast and effective process to do this. The name of this process is called EFT (emotional freedom technique) and commonly called "tapping" out there in cyberspace.
There are no drugs or long sessions of "talk therapy" to endure. The process can take as little as a few minutes or perhaps an hour, depending upon the severity of the event and how you are able to process it internally.
Look for information on sites like: www.emofree.com, www.eftuniverse.com and www.eft.mercola.com plus many others on the web. Try searching "EFT" plus your town/city/province name to see who is in your area for direct assistance. EFT is a self-help technique, but in serious cases, it is best to have some assistance in the beginning. I have used EFT to help many sexual assault/abuse clients, always with great success, so I am sure that it will work for you, as well.
Once you are free of the traumatic memories and the associated fear, you will be able to interact with your family and friends in a more natural and sharing manner with no need to have the "safe place" of your own.