Molestation/girlfriend molested as a child
been seeing a girl for 3 months and seems kinda distant, she recently admitted to me she was molested when she was younger but did not want to give any details so i didnt push it. I am interested in any information that will help me step by step to further deal with this, i am a firm believer in counseling, do i question her further, or do i just suggest she get counseling, i am willing to go myself, how can i be pro active about this
Anthony, you are wise to address this situation up front in your relationship. Depending upon the level of trust you two have developed, the way forward would be different in each case.
She may be in denial that the past is affecting her now, however it almost always does, especially when things turn intimate. If you can get a direct and honest answer from her about whether intimate moments spark old memories of her molestation experience, that will cue to as yo whether you need to step back and let the professionals handle it or not. If she is unwilling to acknowledge the influence of the molestation, then you will have a difficult time with her during intimacy. People tend to think that they can "put it behind them" or "forget about it" but it doesn't work that way at all. In almost all cases, the trauma memories tend to amplify over time, especially when triggered. Basically the mind-body is calling out for healing of these wounds and pushing them to the back of your mind just doesn't work. Avoidance behaviors emerge and PTSD symptoms often develop or increase when activated memories are triggered over and over again.
The "safest" path would be some joint counseling, where you can learn how to handle her behaviors and she can feel safe to open up and explore how to release those memories. If she is "too embarrased/ashamed" to reveal this in your presence, then she may need to seek out help in one-on-one sessions with a professional. The big trap here is that many "mental health" professionals will wind up setting her up for endless expensive counseling sessions and/or put her on some kind of anti-depressants or other meds to "help her deal" with the past.
I have used the EFT process for many years and it works well on sexual abuse issues without the need for meds and lots of client sessions. Learn more about it at sites like: www.emofree.com and www.eftuniverse.com. There are thousands of sites now with EFT-energy medicine related therapies which all work amazingly well. I have used EFT in phone sessions with great success for over 30 years. With EFT she doesn't even have to speak about the details of her experiences in order for them to clear, once she understands the simple "tapping" process steps. An experienced EFT practitioner can heal most of these traumatic memories in a few sessions, plus she can learn to do this for herself, at any time.
All you can do is open the door for her, show her lots of love and support. If she doesn't want to deal with this issue, you will have a broken woman on your hands until she takes command and deals with this directly. It will not go away on its own...