Molestation/Do I have repressed memories of myself being molested and raped
As a child my parents were crack heads and alcoholics, they would leave me with random men while they bought crack or went to the store. Then my nephew began to make me do things with him that I didn't want to, after that I have a flashback of my step grandfather rubbing his face against my vagina while my parents are sitting on the couch. As I got older I became promiscuous, by age 17 I had sex with over 40 guys and some girls. I would let guys take advantage of me even rape me. At 17 I took molly/mdma for the first time and as I was thinking about life and how messed up I am I had a memory of myself or a girl being raped violently. I do not remember ever being raped violently but I have also been afraid of men my dad's age and sometimes even my dad. I am wondering if you think that memory was real? I read of the internet that MDMA can surface repressed memories, and maybe that's why I have really been such a damaged kid.
Joey, Your "damage" came from all the sexual trauma you experienced at the hands of adults. It converts into PTSD and then all normal behavior and thought processes just go out the window as a child.
Your "memory" could either be a real one that has been suppressed or perhaps something that you witnessed live or saw on a porn movie or elsewhere.
You are lucky not to have gotten pregnant and I hope you haven't acquired any STDs from all of your "partners" in the past.
My hope for you is that you find an experienced EFT practitioner in your area and spend a few sessions with them to clear out all of your old traumatic memories and anything else that has caused you to have such low self-esteem.
Search for "EFT and your city" to see who is nearby and is available to help you. EFT is fast, effective and permanent, when applied correctly. There are no drugs and you don't have to do months or years of sessions to get well quickly.
Learn more about EFT at the many sites on the web...
You have had a tough start in life, but you CAN overcome it and let the hurtful and unhelpful memories go so they don't cause you to be depressed and allow others to take advantage of you in any way.
Get started ASAP so you can start living your real life soon,