Molestation/Aunt touching buttocks of 13 year old girl
My 59 year sister sneaked up on my 13 year old daughter and touched her buttocks over clothes repeatedly without saying anything over two days during weekend family parties. This incident made my daughter extremely uncomfortable and upset. My daughter told my wife and me a few days later. My wife and I talked to my parents first and were planning to confront the sister. Well, we were stunned by my parentsí reaction. They said it was an expression of affection and my daughter should be glad that somebody loves her that much; all families touch buttocks all the time and itís nothing; it was my daughterís fault because she didnít say anything when it happened; we cannot confront the sister because she is going to lose her mind, etc. Well, my question is that aunt touching or patting 13 year old girl's buttocks is considered normal in some families? Or is it considered inappropriate or even child molestation?
Ken, well it is certainly inappropriate behavior, especially when done repeatedly. Without knowing that much about her, it could have been her way of showing love or it could be something more disturbing.
These are good practice opportunities for your daughter, however. She needs to learn to speak her truth and confront anyone who touches her inappropriately, which will come in handy for the future when she starts dating boys. If this situation comes up again, she should immediately register her discomfort with your sister and the rest of your family. It can be as simple as "Aunty, quit grabbing my butt" in a joking way to let her know that it isn't okay to "I am really uncomfortable with you touching me in that way, please stop it immediately!" or just going directly to you with the report, so you can confront her directly in the moment.
Shame on your parents for not sticking up for your daughter's right to privacy and inappropriate touching. No, grabbing someone's butt isn't a normal family practice unless everyone is on-board with it. Depending upon intent, it could be seen as affection or some kind of subtle sexual assault move.
These are life lessons for your daughter and the rest of the family, though. Some people can just let it roll over them and never give it another thought. Teenagers, of course, are highly sensitive to their bodies and their emotions, so if she's still very distraught over what happened, then I suggest that she see a counselor or all of you can learn the EFT (emotional freedom technique) process, which allows you to discharge and neutralize old emotional traumas and memories of the past, quickly and easily.
Find out more about EFT at
www.emofree.com and many other sites.
There are probably numerous EFT practitioners where you live and would be glad to help you get started in learning this simple, but powerful healing work. It is emotional first aid at your fingertips.