Expert: Ahmer Afaq - 11/3/2009

Question
QUESTION: Salaams,
I entered a Nikah with my relative. An Imam performed it. I live in USA. My Nikah never said he loves me, never gave gifts, or ever said Eid Mubarak for the past two years since Nikah. He avoids me since Nikah. We live in our parents homes. We are one year apart in age difference. I am younger.
I see him with a 'girlfriend' from same culture almost every day. They even go past our house where I can see them.

I am very unhappy about my Nikah - I WANT OUT.

But I am worried people will say I am "Divorced" at very young age and feel ASHAMED.

He denies having a girl friend. But he is going around with this other young girl everyday.

He never sent me any gifts or even visited us since Nikah.

Now he is very upset that I inquired about his ''girlfriend' two  months ago - and He immediately denied it. I am in a lot of pain- because I know he is lying.

I do not have boyfriends and not as pretty as his girlfriend.
I want a pure and clean Muslim marriage.

I know I do not want him and he may not be virgin. I am virgin.

What will happen if my parents look for a good Muslim husband for me because I do want to marry. I do not want a boyfriend.

How can my parents annul the Nikah and upcoming Rukshati?

What is the difference between Nikah and Rukshati?

Will I be considered his wife if I allow Rukshati? or am I already considered his wife after Nikah?

Please, help.
Shukran.



ANSWER: Bismillahir-Rahmanir-Rahim (In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful)

Assalmalaikum

Dear Sister,

I am sorry to learn about your situation. What kind of a person have you married to ?? He is already proved he is a shaitan. Therefore imemdiately leave him !!

Since nikah was done, he was your husband. But since the marriage was not consummated divorce will anull the marriage and there will not be any iddat.

[Quran 33:49] O you who believe! When you marry believing women, and then divorce them before you have touched them, no period of 'Iddat have you to count in respect of them: so give them a present. And set them free in a handsome manner.

[Quran 4:128] If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men's souls are swayoud by greed. But if you do good and pr actise self-restraint, Allah (God) is well-acquainted with all that you do.

[Quran 4:129] you are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: But turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If you come to a friendly understanding, and practise self- restraint, Allah (God) is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.

[Quran 4:130] But if they disagree (and must part), Allah (God) will provide abundance for all from His all-reaching bounty: for Allah (God) is He that careth for all and is Wise.

rg
Ahmer

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http://www.youtube.com/user/islamnatural

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Salaams,
I am only 20 yrs old and my parents are both sick. I do not know what to do. I have been sad for the past two years from what I am going through. But I finished school and have a certificate for a technical career.

My "biggest" issue is that NO ONE will want to marry me as a "young" muslimah who is ALREADY DIVORCED.. I did not have any physical contact w/ him.
I do not want to be called a "divorced" woman by my next husband (if find someone to marry).
I do not want to marry a divorced man either.

I did nothing wrong and did the Nikah to make my sick parents happy. I was happy when it happened. But after the Nikah found out about him. He is only one year older.
I think our Nikah happened too early and we both did not know what we got into.
But I am still very deeply remorseful of what happened to me and his disconcern of me.

If it is easy to separate then I will do it right away. My problem is - then ALL relatives (he is related to me) will ask and GOSSIP that I am bad luck or something to that effect.
It is the woman who they will blame to appease him.
Only Allah subhanahuwaTala can take this shame away from me.
I do not know whom to ask. I feel lost in this matter and ASHAMED of my fate.
Do you know of any Dua and Islamic actions I need to ask Allah swt? To help me.
Sorry to bother you. I now feel I cannot trust even any Muslim man . I knew kuffar men do this.
How do I go on?
Jazakallahu Khairan

Answer
[Quran 2:186] When My servants ask you (Prophet Muhammed) concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calls on Me. Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me, That they may walk in the right way.

consult your elders in this regard.

rg
ahmer