Muslim Teens/parental abuse

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QUESTION: Asalam Waleykum
i m a 16 yr old girl n i want to ask some questions regarding what i should do, i mean how i should behave towards my abusive parents. let me first tell u about my parents behaviour to make it clear to you. my parents are very close to each other. alhamdulillah Allah has blessed them with a lot of love and respect between themselves. but their behaviour towards their children is just horrible. they say that we don't respect them and that we disobey them, they always keep on saying that we are a test for them and that they have spoiled us by giving us every comfort and not making us do any work- when very obviously they have always made us work and have physically abused us when and if we refused. they always say that we are ungrateful to them- when actually we are very grateful to them, but i think what they want is for us to continuously thank them everyday. they also dont allow us to mingle in the society or even our relatives from my father sides because they have bad relations with them. they frequently make us feel that whatever we do for them is because we want money or something in return- when very honestly all we want is for them to appreciate our efforts and show us some love. it becomes worse when we need to ask them for some money because then we are just doomed. we would love to work and earn something on our own but they wont let us. here where i live, people are well,  not so educated and quite orthodox, superstitious and out dated thinkers. teens from "respectable" families don't/cant work here. the only thing they can do is to tutor but dont even allow us to do that. i feel trapped here. i m not allowed to leave the house for anything except school and my tutions. i dont have any friends here n no one to talk to. its so frustrating!!! we cant complain to anyone- my parents are too supportive of each other, they know their rights towards each other but hardly any towards us. they dont even take us for outings and even if they do its to the same place maybe once or twice a year. we cant do anything! if our mother is upset, my father automatically becomes upset. he beats us for the simplest of things. it has become infrequent, Alhamdulillah but is still there. all this may seem like a ramble but its all true. and its very serious for us. i mean i always try to improve myself but they are never happy and instead taunt. it would be very helpful if u did. plz, i m waiting for a reply to come soon. Asalam Waleykum.

ANSWER: Bismillahir-Rahmanir-Rahim (In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful)

Assalmalaikum

Dear Sister AALIYA,

I have read your letter multiple times in order to understand the nature of your problem.

When your parents tell you that you don't "respect them" and you do "disobey them "...what exactly they mean...on what areas of life do you really disobey them or disrespect them ?

Also what did you refuse and how did they physically abuse you ?

Further how many sisters and brothers are you altogether and what is their age ? What is your parents behavior towards your other siblings.

Also please let us know where do you live. Do you do Hijaab and what is the environment in your house...I mean you practice islam 25% or 50% or 75% ...so or whether you are more into westernized society behavior etc

Also what are your parents income...are you too affluent or a middle class average family or poor ?

If you can provide me more inputs I can guide you in a much better way.

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Its my duty to help those in need. You are free to ask as many questions as you like.

If you are not convinced or feel the answer did not address all your questions, pls write back immediately without any hesitation. Please do forgive me if there is an unexpected delay in replying.

rg
Ahmer

Pls spare some time and see these small video clips.


hijab
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg3C1WpX3N8

which is the best religion - how to identify the true scripture
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIcl0ZAF6ZU

why is islam the best religion - 15point explanation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atOexGJC88U

love affairs & Islam
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9xAj7Aeg-w

Riba
http://www.dailymotion.com/islamnatural

( Note: I am not a mufti, if you are in doubt or want 100% accuracy please verify the above hadith with an authentic personality. However I have not altered any hadith and presented it as and how it was found. May Allah forgive our mistakes from time to time...ameen.)

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thank you for taking your valuable time to help me
I guess I must not have been clear enough so  here's a little explanation:
1) when they say I disrespect and disobey them I think they are mainly talking about household works and other works which they give me. but that's just on the surface. I think its something else altogether like something from their past(which has been a tough one I think) because even though I do everything they ask me to they are still not satisfied and I m still disrespectful and disobedient.
2) sometimes I refuse to do some chores or say that I ll do them later. they physically abuse me by beating me with whatever when they get angry, but that's different. they don't usually beat me for not doing some work but when they get angry. like just today I was awaken through beatings because I did not hear the telephone! imagine that
3)we are 2 sisters and 1 brother. I m 16, brother's 17 n sister's 21.
4) the behavior is the same except that apparently my mother favours my brother more
5) I live in India
6) unfortunately I don't always do hijab since I study in a missionary school n its the best one here but I try to keep it modest other than that
7) I think we practice islam to almost 85% more or less
8) we r an upper middle class family
I hope this helps. do let me know if u need anything else. thank you

Answer
I am extremely sorry for the delayed reply...as I was out of country for a couple of days.

1. when you say..its "something else altogether like something from their past" what exactly do you think it must be ?
Even though you are doing everything....what is everything ??

2. Whenever you refuse to do some chores...or try to postpone it...whats the reason for your postponing ? Isnt getting a rude behavior not worth delaying your chores ?

3&4. Mothers will favour brother till he gets married. Mothers will always find less love in daughters but this will change as soon as the daughter gets married and shifts.

This even you will practice once you become a mother....

5. which part of india you belong to ?

6. I think you should do hijab...and I trust no school Is allowed to stop you. This step will surely make Allaj happy and I hope your parents will appreciate that too.

7. that great !!

8. That's great too @

Quran [24:31] And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O you Believers! turn you all together towards Allah, that you may attain Bliss.

AbuDawud Book 002, Hadith Number 0641.
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Narated By 'Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin : The Prophet (pbuh) said: Allah does not accept the prayer of a woman who has reached puberty unless she wears a veil.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Its my duty to help those in need. You are free to ask as many questions as you like.

If you are not convinced or feel the answer did not address all your questions, pls write back immediately without any hesitation. Please do forgive me if there is an unexpected delay in replying.

rg
Ahmer

Pls spare some time and see these small video clips.


hijab
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg3C1WpX3N8

which is the best religion - how to identify the true scripture
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIcl0ZAF6ZU

why is islam the best religion - 15point explanation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atOexGJC88U

love affairs & Islam
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9xAj7Aeg-w

Riba
http://www.dailymotion.com/islamnatural

( Note: I am not a mufti, if you are in doubt or want 100% accuracy please verify the above hadith with an authentic personality. However I have not altered any hadith and presented it as and how it was found. May Allah forgive our mistakes from time to time...ameen.)

Muslim Teens

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Ahmer Afaq

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Preaching Islam since childhood, and further gained commanding knowledge of almost every affairs of the religion though authentic books and attending lectures by notable scholars of Islam

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