New Age/past interfering with new begining
Recently I have noticed that even though I got out of an abusive relationship.. and I thought I was comfortable enough to start a healthy relationship, that my paranoia? and fear from the past is starting to overwhelm me and is starting to cause problems in my current relationship. I know my partner won't hurt me, I trust him and he is different from the men of my past.. but the doubt is there from my past experiences and no matter how hard I try I cant shake the feelings or thoughts. I really like this guy, and to ruin a good thing because I can't seem to let go of past hurts would only cause more hurt I think so I have been trying to be positive but I don't think that alone is working. Any help you have would be great. Thank you so much!
Hello, Dawn. I didn't see your email until today. Sorry for the delay.
Congratulations on getting out of an abusive relationship. That is MAJOR!
I'd like to explain a mental law, Dawn, before I answer your questions so that my answers make more sense. If this answer leaves you confused, by all means ask me more questions and I'll give it another attempt.
I'll type the law in full caps to it stand out. THOUGHT IS CAUSATIVE. Have you ever hear that old saying "What you think is what you get?" Because of the Law that Thought is Causative, that saying is true.
The problem in the former relationship wasn't the abuser, Dawn. It was you thinking you were somehow less-than and vulnerable. Since thought is causative, thinking you were not good enough somehow, someway, is what caused the abuse. I hope this doesn't fall too heavily on your soul. I am confident this sense was modeled for you way before you even learned to think, so absorbing it was not your fault. Carrying It Forward would be your fault.
And if you have this fear, it looks like it is already manifesting in your current relationship. Hurry up and get rid of that erring sense, because "What you think is what you get." If you can take an inventory of your goodness, your virtue, your talents, your skills, and your strengths, and if you can keep your thinking focused on them, you won't have time to be afraid of being hurt. Look for what's good in you and look for what's good in him and trust that you are a different woman from the one in the abusive relationship, that you now know who and what you are, that you deserve to enjoy goodness in your life, and that you will not tolerate less than in any form.
Dawn, there is a wonderful book called Illusions written by Richard Bach. It's a small book, and in it there is a story about the creatures who cling to the roots growing along the sides of a stream. They hang on and hang on and hang on, even as other creatures have let go and are swimming freely past them. Don't hang on to the past. The past has passed! There is only NOW. Please don't contaminate your right now thinking with fears from what has already passed.
You can create a model for your daily thinking somethat like this. Please replace what I've put into " " with what will fit best for your situation.
I love to think that
"my relationship is healthy and harmonious"
and I am convinced that
my thinking it so several times daily
makes it SO for me....
because my thinking is causative
and I know it!
I wish you much success. Please come back and ask more questions if I didn't nail it.