AboutVena McGrath Expertise As the author of a novel about my life online in chat rooms specifically, and a few adventures into online dating, I can answer almost any question anyone could ask about chatting online. The excitement, the adrenalin rush, the manipulation of the mind, the corruption of morals, the danger of stalking and harrassment online and offline, the lies, the secrets. The reality of this `fantasy` is frightening. My book tells a story that hopefully will make anyone who reads it more wary and chatwise than I was when I stumbled upon chat in late 1999 as a naive woman who didn`t have a clue what a chat room on the internet was. I have spent many hours online counselling men and women with broken hearts, wounded pride, and yes, very real fear. My passion is to try to help eradicate the not so good factors out of chat rooms and make them once again fun places where people feel safe.
Experience My experience commenced in June 1999 in international chat rooms and then a move in late September 1999 to chat rooms in Australia. I am still online, have my own chat room, and my first novel titled 'Secrets, Lies & Chat' was published by American-Book Publishing in 2005 and is now available from my website www.secretslieschat.net.au for a very competitive price. I have also released on my website an eBook which is a revised version of Secrets, Lies & Chat and only costs $4.95 5o download in either word or pdf format.
Organizations I belong to many writing organisations online and I belong to the chat room community of BigPond.
Publications Communique - a monthly newspaper produced by the NSW Government Department of Commerce
SMH ICON liftout 'The Net Effect' April 2004
Numerous articles in PoynterOnline
Numerous letters to the editor, SMH
My profile and short stories and articles are all online at AuthorsDen.com and some are posted on my website.
Education/Credentials High School Educated
TAFE Secretarial
Numerous OH&S certificates
Numerous Computer related courses
Expert: Vena McGrath Date: 1/26/2008 Subject: Cheated by my gf
Question Dear Madam,
My name is S.Kumar and I am from India. I am in love with a Polish girl and her name is Ola who lives in Warsaw and she acts like loving me. We were together for 3 years and all this 3 years she told only lies to me and made me a big joker. She is never satisfied with one bf and she is often dating with many man through online chats, meeting them in reality and she has also registered herself in many dating sites.
Every time when I accept her by forgetting what she has done, she is doing that more and more. She feels that having illegal contacts with many men makes her proud. I am very simple and honest guy and she is my first and I dont want to loose her in anyway and dont want any girl anymore. I am giving her many chances thinking that she will change. But the result is only becoming worst. Now she is in contact with all her ex boy friends whom she promised that she will never contact them in anyway.
Please give me a valuable suggestion if I should take risk and live with this Polish girl or just to forget her as a bad dream? I know that I am not able to forget her but sometimes it is good to prevent than to suffer in future with such girl. I hope to get a nice remedy from you. I am thankful to you for giving me your comments in advance..
Sincerely,
S.Kumar
Answer Hello
I read your email and a lot of questions came into my thoughts as I read it.
I am wondering how you know that your g/f is in contact with all these other men. Has she told you she is, perhaps to make you jealous, or have you actually accessed her computer and found the evidence for yourself?
Regardless of either answer, I know exactly what I would do if I were in your shoes. Knowing that the love of my life was a liar would be enough to make me call it quits. There is one thing I cannot abide over and above all other things in this life, and that is a liar. You cannot trust a liar and this lady has shown that this is how she lives her life.
If you feel that your life would be worthless without her then I do feel very sad for you. Being alone is nowhere near as bad as being with someone who is stabbing you in the back and in the heart every day of your life. She obviously has no respect for you as a human being, let alone someone she supposedly loves.
Whatever the reason was that the two of you should meet is long gone and it's time for you to depart. Perhaps you were meant to meet her so that when you meet the right lady you will know instantly because of the differences between the two.
I cannot advise you what to do. I believe that you already know the answer anyhow but you just don't want to make the break. Often when we have been alone for some time we think that this wonderful person who just landed in our lives is 'the one'. It's so easy to accept that as fact. It saves having to wait or keep looking. But remember, most things in life that comes easily are not worth having.
If you are happy sharing your woman with other men, then go ahead and stay with her. I wonder how she would feel if you were doing the same thing to her? I think I know the answer to that. She sounds like a very shallow person and is not worthy of the love of a good man. To save yourself further heartbreak then you should seriously consider leaving her behind and getting on with a life with laughter, not sadness, and hope, not despair.
Take care and may the choice you make be the right one for you. She has already apparently made her choice about how she wishes to live her life :)
