AboutVena McGrath Expertise As the author of a novel about my life online in chat rooms specifically, and a few adventures into online dating, I can answer almost any question anyone could ask about chatting online. The excitement, the adrenalin rush, the manipulation of the mind, the corruption of morals, the danger of stalking and harrassment online and offline, the lies, the secrets. The reality of this `fantasy` is frightening. My book tells a story that hopefully will make anyone who reads it more wary and chatwise than I was when I stumbled upon chat in late 1999 as a naive woman who didn`t have a clue what a chat room on the internet was. I have spent many hours online counselling men and women with broken hearts, wounded pride, and yes, very real fear. My passion is to try to help eradicate the not so good factors out of chat rooms and make them once again fun places where people feel safe.
Experience My experience commenced in June 1999 in international chat rooms and then a move in late September 1999 to chat rooms in Australia. I am still online, have my own chat room, and my first novel titled 'Secrets, Lies & Chat' was published by American-Book Publishing in 2005 and is now available from my website www.secretslieschat.net.au for a very competitive price. I have also released on my website an eBook which is a revised version of Secrets, Lies & Chat and only costs $4.95 5o download in either word or pdf format.
Organizations I belong to many writing organisations online and I belong to the chat room community of BigPond.
Publications Communique - a monthly newspaper produced by the NSW Government Department of Commerce
SMH ICON liftout 'The Net Effect' April 2004
Numerous articles in PoynterOnline
Numerous letters to the editor, SMH
My profile and short stories and articles are all online at AuthorsDen.com and some are posted on my website.
Education/Credentials High School Educated
TAFE Secretarial
Numerous OH&S certificates
Numerous Computer related courses
Expert: Vena McGrath Date: 2/20/2008 Subject: Online teen
Question Hi Vena.
I am a sophmore in high school, and all my friends have facebook pages.
I really want a facebook page just to talk to my friends, friends from other schools (that I know), etc.
However, my mom is really worried since she hears all these bad stories about Facebook and the dangers of it.
How dangerous is having Facebook page, if I don't put my personal information on it?
Also, do you have any other stories about Facebook dangers when there ISN'T personal information posted all over the page??
I'm a smart girl and I wouldn't be stupid like some of the stories about teens I hear. I want to know if there are still dangers even if I am really careful.
Thanks!
-Chloe
Answer Hi Chloe
I understand your mother's fears about you using Facebook and I also understand your need to use it probably because your friends do.
Let's look at this from my point of view, which is about all I can offer here. You can be very careful online about what you let out to the big wide world, but you must understand that unless you are very sure that you actually know in reality someone you are typing to, you could be sending messages to a very dangerous person.
Thinking that you are talking to someone you know isn't always what is happening either. Young people seem to think it's okay (some of them) to give out their friends' information to others and thus allowing them to enter into someone's Internet world where they were not invited. What I am saying is - you have a friend Jen, and Jen decides to tell someone else how to contact you on Facebook without asking you first. You are then confronted in your space by a stranger you do not know. Friends can place their friends in danger because they think it's okay.
You set up your page with what you consider are irrelevant facts. However what you don't realise is some of those facts are very relevant to those in the know. There are some very clever people using the Internet and they are using it for their own agenda. These people know how to track others down in the real world by what you would consider 'irrelevant' information. People post their photos on the Internet, and I am one of them as my pic is on my website. I don't consider this dangerous and yet it could be, given the right/wrong circumstances.
So your page is set up. You haven't told your real name or said where you live. You would have said a totally different state if you were thinking clearly about the dangers when you set the page up. You start talking to people that you know and before too long you become adventurous and start talking to people you don't know. I might add here that the person you think you know could well be someone you don't know. Jen for instance could have visitors at her home and for a laugh she might have one of them chatting to you, pretending to be her. You trust Jen so you chat away about where you are going on the weekend, where you are going shopping the next night, what you are going to buy etc etc. You are telling a total stranger about your life and you don't know it !
And, if you start chatting, sharing emails with people you meet online that you don't know personally, you run the risk of saying something that will give them an idea about you and where you are. It's very easy to be caught up in a chat with someone where you suddenly forget about being careful and start letting out information. It's not possible to chat with someone freely and continually keep a check on what you say. And, on another note, some people are very manipulative with words and can make you tell them things because you really want to and it's seems as though it will be okay.
There are a lot of nice people online but there are also a lot of not so nice people and a percentage of outright dangerous people. Being on your guard all the time takes away the pleasure of chatting and sending emails to others, but unfortunately this is how the world of the Internet is and will remain. It's a wonderful world of knowledge and takes away the loneliness for millions, but on the other side of the coin it can be deadly for the unlucky ones.
Might I suggest that you join Facebook with your Mum beside you watching what you are doing in a real effort to protect you and your family? My granddaughter is 13 and she uses MSN to chat to friends. My daughter is close by, or sitting next to her while she uses the computer because they both know through me of the dangers. Whilst my granddaughter might wish for privacy, that need for privacy is in itself a danger. If you only want to use the Internet to chat to friends innocently, then having your Mum watching what is being said should not be an issue. However, if you have other reasons for wanting to chat then already you are in the danger zone.
As you found me in this website I assume you are fairly well conversant with search engines. I suggest that you and Mum do a search on 'facebook danger' and then sit and do some research on the websites that come up. All of what I have said above will most likely be there because I'm no genius, just a user of the Internet who knows the pitfalls and has fallen into some of them personally.
Stopping you from using Facebook at home will probably force you out to friends' houses to use it so I suggest that allowing your Mum to enjoy the experience with you is the best option by far. Your Mum will then be able to see that you can handle the medium and can be trusted not to put yourself or your family at risk by telling things you shouldn't tell.
Good luck with it all and just remember the 3 most important words that I know about the Internet - be wary, be aware and most of all beware. You only have one life and you don't need to bring strangers into it, even just on the Internet, who could turn your world upside down and make it miserable. Trust me, this does happen every day of every year many times over in many homes. Kids websites are causing a lot of damage and I'm not sure what anyone can do about it now the gates have been opened. Being honest and upfront with parents and the parents showing an interest in what their kids are doing is the best start to a happy and fulfilling Internet experience.
