Expert: Vena McGrath - 5/10/2007

Question
Hello, my question is a bit embarrassing....  I recently joined this cyber sex website for 18 years and older.  I obviously don't give out any real information about myself, except the state i live in.  I met a woman the other day and we started to chat (random things not about sex).  Afterwards, i asked her what she did for a living and she told me that she was a police detective for the state i was living in.  Now I don't know if she is lying or not but either way, can i get into trouble with the law for having cyber sex (I only do that with people who ARE NOT minors, generally in their 30's and 40's)?  Do you think she was trying to investigate me or something?  Is it possible that she might have bugged by computer so she can track everything i do?  Please help.  Thank you.

Answer
Hi Kevin

Woops, your guilt is hanging out for all to see !

Let's look at this situation logically.  Now as a bloke, you are supposed to be logic whereas women are supposedly illogical.  Do you really think a woman in a chat room that is for cyber sex would actually reveal she was a detective to the person she was talking to?  I bet she was having a huge laugh at your expense and trying to scare your pants back on.

Just stop for a minute and think this out.  I'm sure you see the logic in what I am saying.  And by the way, how do you know how old the people are that you are cybering with?  Have you ever met them?  How can you be sure they aren't minors?  And why do you need to cyber sex with people?  It's certainly not a comfortable way to jack off now is it?  Trying to type and get all hot and horney at the same time is more a struggle than something to enjoy.

The best policy in chat is NOT to believe anything that anyone says unless you actually have met the person you are talking to ... and even then the Internet breeds liars like we breed flies in Australia.  Some people lie so well they believe their own lies and some can even look you in the eye and lie to your face.

Chat is a place you should visit with an open mind, that meaning a mind that knows that very few real people inhabit the place.  Most are those looking for something for free that they can't get outside their front doors.  Cyber sex is a cheap form of sex and a way that people with partners can cheat and yet say they aren't cheating.  

There is no help for you in this matter because it's all in your mind.  This woman knows the art of manipulation and knows how to put the wind up people.  It's probably something she does day in and day out and she is most likely mentally unstable.  Just be glad you ran into her in a chat room and not somewhere else!

Why don't you get away from the computer and go out and seek someone to enjoy real sex with.  There's nothing like skin to skin and staring at a monitor and typing stupid words to try and get off on is wasting precious hours of your life. Move out of the darkness into the light and you never know what you may find.  Perhaps the meeting with this person is a sign for you to absent yourself from such activities before you do end up in a spot of bother.

And yes, people with the right equipment can track you by your ISP but they would need to know someone in the right place to give them the missing pieces.  Take the warning for what it could well be, and change direction.  

Take care.

Vena