About Melissa Burton (a.k.a Bee) Expertise I can help with people who are having problems in their internet relationship/long distance relationship. This includes arguments, being patient, understanding what they are trying to tell you, going from friends to even more,precautions, and even breaking up.
Experience Know plenty of people who have loved/liked someone from online and have met.
Question Hi,
So back in early september, I posted a casual encounter on craigslist, looking for someone to meet for a well, casual encounter. I got a lot of responses, but after a few days and chatting, one guy really caught my attention. We continued to chat, 2-3 times a day, and exchanged text messages. The first meeting - intended to be a casual encounter (aka hooking up), was messed up by a family emergency on his part. He was very communicative about it, and while I had my concerns that he was just avoiding me, I let it go. We then had plans for another meeting, and he completely blew it off. We didn't talk (chat) for a week or two. He emailed saying he missed me...that more than the sexual nature of our chats, he missed hearing about my day and just general talking. Which, to me, seemed to indicate we had moved beyond "casual encounter". When we did finally start chatting again, basically he said he "locked up". That the thought of meeting me scares him, but that it has nothing to do with me. I forgave him and we resumed our online relationship. We text or chat almost daily...but he hasn't tried to see me again, and avoids the subject when I bring it up. In fact, last nite I asked why he was determined not to see me...and he actually signed off temporarily and came back after a few minutes and never really answered. I don't get it - I think it's really weird that he doesn't want to see me. We live in the same town. My friends think he is hiding something...maybe a wife. I don't think that's the case, but I'm really confused. Frankly, unless he is married there is nothing that is going to make me like him any less. While the online thing is meeting my needs for the most part for now, it is fast become insufficient. I don't want to pressure him, but I don't have a clear picture of what his expectations are, and I don't know how to get him to talk to me about it though. And while I enjoy him, I don't see a lasting future between us, although I do think we could have fun dating (in person) for a while. I worry that I am wasting my time on someone who is never going to want to see me. What do you think?
Answer Hello
I have to agree that he probably is hiding something or has insecurity issues. He probably feels that he looks bad or is one of those people who really fear rejection. The marriage thing is a possibility but this seems like a situation that reflects some sort of social anxiety rather than him keeping a secret from you. I also have to admit that it doesn't sound like you guys will meet for awhile. Think about it, you've known him since September... it is now December. You've been talking to this guy for 3 months, you both live in the same city, and he keeps avoiding the subject of meeting you. He also has canceled both attempts to see you. I doubt he will meet you anytime soon and you may want to consider just being his friend and moving on and meeting other people to spend your time with. It also sounds like you don't see this guy as a potential mate, if that was the case then I would advise you to wait it out for a bit, but if he's just someone you see yourself dating then definitely move on. The only thing I can tell you to do is to talk to him and tell him straight out that you want to meet him and that this is getting ridiculous. If he's lying to you about something or simply does not want to then to please let you know so you can stop wasting your time and that if he doesn't meet you that you will just move on. I think you need to make it clear that you are looking for an in person friendship or more and that you can't waste your time waiting for him to make up his mind. Either way if you guys don't meet soon, I think it's time that you move on and try and see other men. And try and see if you can somehow spark a conversation about what he wants out of this friendship and when he will meet you. Anyway good luck with this!
