AboutRhyn Essence Expertise I am freely able to answer any type of question in respect of expectation, emotional need, desire, living with fantasies and the cold harsh reality that frequently fails to match expectations.
Experience I formerly advised on this site until about 2002 when physical ill health forced me to withdraw from just about every interest that I had. Previous to allexperts I'd run through the emotional minefield of online relationships myself. Recognising that while a professional may take a keen interest in human motives and behaviour that there isn't a hard and fast template which can be applied to various individual sets of circumstances, regardless of what they want you to believe.
Past/Present clients Numerous enquirers using the AllExperts route. I've answered questions regarding religious differences, dealing with the difficulties of addictions and spousal abuse. Age knows no barriers in respect of online relationships and even cultural differences are swept aside, though that can lead too additional difficulties.
Expert: Rhyn Essence Date: 5/2/2008 Subject: long distance relationship-questions
Question I met this girl online, no not on myspace or some place like that, i met her on
this site called Quizilla. We've fallen in love with eachother, but i have several
problems having sort of a long distance bf/gf relationship. i say sort of
because i dont know if you can actually have gf who lives in another state.
1) my parents think im an idiot because i love a girl i met on the internet. my
dad thinks shes a pedophile, and my mom is never supportive because she
thinks im too young. any ways to either get them o believe me, or to get them
off my back would be strongly appreciated.
2)i love her more than anything, but we cant see each other until after i go to
college and move out there. yeah, weve planned out alot of our future. but
the thing is, she says its okay to date other people until we can finally see
each other; but, i dont want to be single for another like, however long it
takes me to finish high school and go through college and move out there.
but, i cant feel right dating someone else knowing ill never love her the way i
love this other girl.
hm, i guess thats it. any and all help needed.
oh, one more thing, we have some "pet names" for eachother, but im running
you, so if you can think of any, thatd b cool!
thank you!
Answer Hi Gabriel,
This is a fairly common situation with regard to internet relationships. Though in this instance there is a slight variation as it is usually a male who suggests that it is ok to date other people in the meantime. The problem is in maintaining an understanding between your perception of what is expected by others in the real world and what is wanted by you. Never mind what is going on in your head about the online situation.
To be honest it would seem that your own honesty with regard to your parents is causing them concern. They clearly don't know or understand your situation enough to offer any sound advice and if they could it would only relate to themselves. Each of us needs to be allowed to make our own mistakes and hopefully learn from them. No matter how well intentioned the advice of another is it is only a worthy consideration at best and at worst to be disregarded.
Ok let me try to put this across another way....Stop telling your parents what they don't need to know. If you can handle dating other people while talking to someone else thats fine. If you can't then don't. Some people might be fairly ok with the news that you are talking to someone else online but quite alot won't be. So the solution is tell nobody if you can handle it or don't go there if you can't.
Its all about choices...if I choose to go out get drunk and make a fool of myself its my choice but you don't need to know why I needed to get drunk in the first place. In telling you I can't expect you not to think about it because you will....its human nature. Likewise if you don't want hassle from your parents don't tell them what they don't need to know.
Honesty is fine but there is a line that need not be crossed. I mean do your parents know or need to know how often you go to the toilet now that you are no longer a child? They will always think that the answer is yes because in their eyes you will always be their child.
This girl is effectively telling you that she is already dating other guys and its tough luck if you can't handle it. The choice is now yours either play the game by her rules or spare yourself a lot of heartache if you can't and end it now.
There isn't a simple solution to dealing with online relationships because everybody has their own set of rules. In much the same way as each of us deals with everyday situations in the real world. At the very least she is being honest with you now how you deal with that honesty is down to you.
