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You are here: Experts > Internet/Online > Net Culture > How to Have an Online Relationship > Confused
Expert: vanessaoz - 11/5/2009
Question
Hello vanessaoz
I've met my Online boyfriend through myspace, July of last year..He is single from UK..We only send messages and comments but no formal chats until February this year..After 4 months of regular chatting and talking on the phone (everyday/night), he decided to come here in the Philippines to meet me..He will be staying here for two-weeks..In my profile, I pretended to be single..I never told him I was married and separated with 3 kids who are all teenagers until we met in September..I love him very much that's why I didn't have the guts to tell him my real status..I met him at the airport 2nd week of September..And during our first night, I told him all about me..Inspite and despite of, he accepted me for who and what I am..I stayed with him for 2-weeks..We had a fun and blissful times together..He promised to come back in April, next year..Our communication hasn't changed except for the past 2weeks..He doesn't text back because he's busy at work due to the coming holidays..He changed email address (from Yahoo to Hotmail)..I asked him if he was using livemessenger for chatting but he said "NO" just yahoo..One morning while we were talking on YM, he sent me two long "hahaha" messages..I got pissed off and told him i need to get going and if he doesn't have nothing to say than his "hahaha's" better not message me..He messaged me 3 times but I ignored him..He got mad at me, and told me he didn't deserve to be treated like that..I apologized and he apologized for his actions too..So everything was ok..The next day,when we were chatting, he said he's not OK because he is suffering from S.A.D.(seasonal affective disorder)..he said it's a sort of depression thing..he can be moody sometimes and need to be alone for a while..He asked me not to call and wake him up every morning for a while because he's not sleeping well and feel quite moody in the morning and he might be a poor company at times during the winter..All he ask for is my love, patience and understanding over the next few months (until March!) as there will be times when he need a little space..He doesn't want to hurt or upset me so he'll let me know if he needs some space, just knowing that I am there helps him though..I understand him on what he's going through right now..But sometimes I feel like he's just making an excuse because he's mad at me..He doesn't send email, text, nor call me on the phone..We continue to chat but not as warm and loving as before.. I trust him tho, I don't want to think a third party involved here right now..But it sometimes hurts me when I tell him I love you, he would say, thank you or i don't know about that..I feel so depressed because of his cold treatment..I just cry it out sometimes because of his actions..I'm still trying my best to understand him because I love him so much..He will move next week to another place because of new job assignment..Communication will be a problem for a while because he doesn't have a net connection in his new place..I need your advice vannesaoz..Is he really telling the truth that he has SAD? Please help me how to deal with people with SADs..Thank you very much and more power.
Answer
hi yme,
thanks for your email...
i had never heard of this kind of depression, so i looked it up on the net and found a website that might help you understand what your boyfriend is going throught. http://www.sada.org.uk/ .
obviously, i dont him as well as you do and i realize that this must be difficult as you have met and felt that you had/have something special with this man. when anyone has some kind of medical condition its very hard to help them when your so far away.
i dont know if he is telling you the truth or not. you seem to lack a little trust in him with you wondering if he has someone else on his mind. you either have to trust that he is telling you the truth or face him with your concerns.
it will be hard to communiate with him while he is moving but hopefully it wont be too long before you can chat again.
i hope the site i sent you will help you understand about SAD and if not there are many pages online that may answer your questions...
good luck
vanessaoz
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