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You are here: Experts > Internet/Online > Net Culture > How to Have an Online Relationship > Want to be with my boyfriend.
Expert: vanessaoz - 11/3/2009
Question
Hello, thank you for taking the time to read this, as I don't know who else to turn to for advice in my situation.
I am a 20 year old girl (21 next march) still living with my mom in Colorado. Very recently (in August), I met my now-boyfriend on a BDSM dating website. He didn't strike me as someone I'd date at first, but as we continued talking and I got to know him better, I found that I have fallen completely head over heels for him.
I've always been an extremely introverted person, and I've never felt comfortable showing affection to people. (I can't even hug my mom or tell her I love her.) He was the first person I've ever felt 100% comfortable saying "I love you" to, both online and over the phone. We did start speaking on the phone daily right away, and I found that within a few weeks of meeting him, I could tell him with certainty that I loved him.
We just met in person this past week, and though the initial meeting was slightly awkward, I have become closer to him than I have of any person ever before. I’ve kissed people before and was never a big fan of the whole spit-swapping process, but when it comes to him, I can’t get enough kisses. I’ve never felt comfortable hugging people, but I always find myself in a loving embrace with him, and I am so happy with it. He is the first person I have genuinely hugged. We have had sex numerous times, and he’s definitely flawless in that area, too.
Like I mentioned before, this is a BDSM based relationship, and he is something of a “sugar daddy” to me. He is seven years old than me, (I’m 20, he’s 27) and he does spoil me. He is financially well off, but I would be completely content with him even if he wasn’t. He’s offered me amazing things, including a full ride through college, a home with him in Seattle, a new computer, all the hugs and kisses and love I could ever want, and much more.
The problem, of course, is my family. We have always been very closed about our relationships. If my older brother has ever had a girlfriend, which I’m sure he has, I never knew about it, and for the most part, I never knew about my sister’s relationships, either. It’s not something we’ve ever really shared with our parents, as well. Basically, I don’t know how to tell my mom how much I love this guy. She knows we’ve met and that we’re “friends,” but I don’t know how to tell her how serious this has become. I also am nervous about him meeting my family, as he’s not the most attractive guy out there, and I feel that they will judge me for this and think that I “can do better.”
In addition, I live in a VERY rural area in Colorado as I have for the majority of my life, and my boyfriend is offering me a better life in the city. I am constantly depressed in my situation (right now I’m only taking one college course and I recently quit my job) and I’m stuck at home most of the time with no companionship. I’ve known for a long time that I’ve needed to get out of here and on my own two feet, but I’ve found that I have many issues surviving on my own whilst attending college (hence why I dropped out). But I also know that I can’t continue living with my mom like this, or I will never become independent. I feel like I would do so much better if I were to move in with my boyfriend to the city, but my mom would completely freak out, especially because we met online, and he lives in another state. She’s always been a bit overprotective and I am the baby of the family, so I don’t know how to approach this subject with her, or anyone. Both my brother and sister attended college in state before they moved away, and me moving away BEFORE attending college will be completely foreign to my mom. In addition, she is single, and I feel terrible about leaving her alone in the middle of nowhere. I know that when I mention this to her, she will say “no.” Am I really too young to make this kind of decision for myself, or have I simply been too sheltered? I know this is going to be something very drastic for my family.
I want to live with the man I love, I need to get out of this place before I go mad. Am I going about this in the wrong way completely?
Answer
hi kate,
sorry for taking some time to answer this post but thanks for emailing me....
also, thank you for an easy to read post with a lot of detail. makes it much easier for me to read.
firstly, when you decide to leave home, do so without guilt, your mum has had her life and made the decisions that has her in her present situation and your just starting out in life, so when the right time comes take it with both hands and enjoy your life.
in saying that, i dont feel your quite ready to leave home to be with someone you really dont know that well. august isnt a long time, even though you have met and feel the way you do about him. 7 years is a big age difference when your a country girl and he is from the big city. you could be looking through rose coloured glasses and everythin appears to be wonderful right now but could change a lot if you decide to move in with him. i would strongly suggest that you dont make the move right now.
if you are still together in 2 years then by that time you will know him much better and hopefully your family has too, making the transition to city life much easier for you.
to really answer your questions, yes, you are too young and yes, you have led a sheltered life. if this man really cares and loves you the way he says he does then he will wait for you. that i know for sure.
hope this helps you a little
good luck
vanessaoz
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