Aboutvanessaoz Expertise I love helping people and and some may say that I am a very chatting and friendly person. I can offer advice to people who are in long distance or a different cultural online relationship as I have experienced both. I know how hard it can be and how heartbreaking it can be but I also know how rewarding they can be.
i live in australia so depending where you live my time frame for answering may differ but i will try to answer within 24 hours of receiving your question.
Experience I have experience with online relationships and having friends who are in one or have had them, I know the highs and lows that can come from being in one, especially long distance. I have been online for five years and met many people from different cultures.
Question QUESTION: I live in Brazil, and began to be friends with a girl from here about 2 years ago, recently she and I found out that we have feelings for each other.The problem is: We have about 3.300km(2.05 miles I think) between us.Should we try to make it work, or we should remain friends for now?
PS:She has 15(16 in 1 month) and I have 18
PS2: I say "for now" because I do plan to meet her(even because of our friendship) but maybe when that happens we will be just friends
PS3:Sorry if I double posted this question, I had some trouble with my internet
ANSWER: hi victor,
thanks for your email,
your both still very young and im sure you both know a lot about each other during your 2 years together online.
there is quite a distance between you both and i understand that while you have feelings for each other, i would remain friends for now and enjoy the company of other people. if your both meant to be together in the future, it will happen, but your teenage years go so quickly and its a time to enjoy yourself with others.
being commmitted to someone so far away takes a lot of work and trust. there comes a time when you want to hold that person, im sure your understand what im saying.
i have no doubt you will visit her someday and then after that you can truly know if you are willing to commit to this one person. until you physically meet its hard to say she is the one for you.
enjoy the friendship you have developed over the last 2 years and grow with each other until you meet, then you can make your decision.
i wish you well victor,
vanessaoz
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QUESTION: I don't know if you remember me but I`m sendind this follow-up anyway...
Well we talked a lot about what we are going through, and decided that we cant date for now(only after we meet we should decide something). Thing is: I don't know if I can stop treating her like I treat it now(I mean, like we were friends with benefits and all that) , but that is something I can work with time.My main question is.... it is possible for me(or us) to "keep" this feeling we have in a safe or something like that, and then release it again when we have physical contact?
ANSWER: hi victor,
thanks again for your email...
you cant put your feelings on hold and come back to them at a later date in my honest opinion.
your always going to have those feelings but you just need to come to terms that it might be a while and you might experience feelings for someone else while you are waiting to be with this person.
i agree that until you are together, you shouldnt make plans for future together, you do need to meet in person before deciding such important issues.
if you are both meant to be together then it will happen. just take things slowly and see what develops.
good luck
vanessaoz
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QUESTION: Err.. I think you missed my point
I don't truly believe in destiny and all that :P
And yes I know its not right for any of us to be closed to other people.
But what I wished to know is if its possible for me to keep the feeling I have for her, even if I meet another person...
Answer hi victor,
i think if you meet someone else, its not fair to that person to keep holding on the feelings you have for someone else. you cant develop are relationship with anyone, while your still holding onto the past.
what your asking kind of happened to me, though the person i loved had died and i felt so much love for him that i wasnt sure i could love anyone else. i have met someone now and we both have lost loved ones but in the back of my mind i will always love the man i lost. i do think this mindset is hindering me in my current relationship because i cant fully give myself to this man who does love me.
i know my situation is different but i dont think you can give yourself fully to someone else if you still have strong feelings for this girl. you cant just put them away until the right moment.
