Aboutvanessaoz Expertise I love helping people and and some may say that I am a very chatting and friendly person. I can offer advice to people who are in long distance or a different cultural online relationship as I have experienced both. I know how hard it can be and how heartbreaking it can be but I also know how rewarding they can be.
i live in australia so depending where you live my time frame for answering may differ but i will try to answer within 24 hours of receiving your question.
Experience I have experience with online relationships and having friends who are in one or have had them, I know the highs and lows that can come from being in one, especially long distance. I have been online for five years and met many people from different cultures.
Question QUESTION: *New Follow-up limit*
Giving a bit of update...
Since the last time I talked to you, she had make out with another guy, and with this guy(like the last) it seems to me that it has all that it takes for them to move to a more serious relationship(boyfriend/girlfriend). And for all that she is making me feel I decided to be cold and rude with her...
Thing is, I had a good friendship with her(and maybe she had with me) to the point that I never had with any of my other "friends" (I do have confidence problems), so I didn't wanted to lose this friendship in the process so I kept an window open to her, whenever she needed to talk to me about something. She then began saying that that wasn't needed, that I could do it in other way, and in the end I really didn't wanted to do it, I like her a lot, and couldn't think of backing away from her…
But something happened and I got a little more strength to take her out of my mind, so I'm trying my best to avoid her, but I'm still afraid of losing her friendship but ,in the same time, know that if I continue being her close friend I will get hurt even more..
To you have and idea, because the long time that this crush is taking, I even began to think that I may love her, and if you remember well I said myself that don't like to say that I love someone (or that someone loves me).
But I’m shy, not that pretty, and a nerd. So takes time for me to find another crush (that will eventually hurt me as well), but yesterday I got to a friend’s party and saw I girl that called my attention, since I’m a loser for these things, this hardly will go to somewhere (especially because for talking a little bit more with her I would need to give some hints that I may like her to this friend of mine, something that I don’t want to do… especially for all the rejection possibility). But I still think on the other girl and every time I think about her I remember how she was good to me…and how that I shouldn’t treat her bad because I can’t forget about her…
What do you think I should do? Force her out even if that ruins my friendship with her? Try to forget her with time? What do I do?
Ps: She suggested that I let it happen and eventually I would stop liking her, but wouldn’t had our friendship affected (or even ruined)
Ps2: Sorry for the long post, I will stop here, couldn't even write this post in a way to make it understandable :P
ANSWER: hi victor,
nice to hear from you again,
i know that this is very hard for you at the moment. you have a deep friendship with this girl and dont want to lose it. the problem i see is that ist very one sided. she has moved on but you havn't.
you do need to try to go out with others and form other friendships to take your mind off this other girl. the quicker you do this the quicker you can move on.
there is nothing wrong in keep the door open for this girl but in the end you could still be left hurt and you dont want that.
you cant force her to like/love you, you will just drive her away further. i really would just try to forget her and who knows in the end she might just come back to you but that doesnt happen often.
what im saying, if you two are meant to be together, then it will happen but in time. again, this may not happen at all.
go out and live your life for yourself and enjoy the company of other people, you cant have enough friends.
good luck
vanessaoz
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: But I still believe she wants to be friends with me(maybe even more) so I don't think that is one-sided... whoever I do believe that she moved on.
I'm not that social guy, and right now I'm a little busy with college so can't even go to a place I like.
I don't want to forget her, not entirely...As said before she was the person that I trusted the most until now..
Also said before that I don't believe in destiny...but would like us to happen in the future...
It's possible to me, to see her only as a friend(a close-friend maybe) and keep the contact that I had with her sometime ago?
Ps: She said she would give me space, but in this day I got little rude on her, and she got mad at me..I couldn't stand the feeling of it and apologized.
Ps2: She also said that she still likes me, and that if I was to make out with someone, that I would understand what she feels... And I agree with her, I can't ask for a teenager to accept and commit to an relationship that was going to be virtual for some years...
Ps3: Can I have your personal mail? Just in the case I needed...
ANSWER: hi victor,
i know how hard it is for you to move on because of your feelings for this girl. yes, you can remain friends with her if its just close friends you want. if your trying to persue a relationship with her, or holding on just in case it doesnt work out with this guy, i dont feel you would be doing the right thing.
she obviously has found something in another person that she wants and doesnt get it from you. i dont know what this is, maybe you could ask her, if you feel you can.
i guess its true, if you found someone else you might feel the way she does, im not sure i would be in total agreeance with that but its a possibility.
my personal email addy is vanessaoz@yahoo.com
good luck
vanessaoz
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: I believe I'm beginning to move...however don't think I want only close friendship with her yet(and may never want only that). The reason I asked was because I trully wished that in the end I still trusted her like before(which, knowing myself, I know won't happen)
I didn't intend to hold to them not to work. I meant to hold for some time in the future, when I meet and all that.. that's is possible?
I don't blame her, you pinned that once, we are young, she said to me once that she didn't wanted nobody for sometime(she had just discovery that one of her "ex's" was seeing another guy) but in the next day it happened the first time between her and her new guy
But, can you blame her? We are teens, we want that kind of contact with someone (I would do the same in her place, the problem is that I'm really bad in this type of things)
I belive that is what she got from him, that can't get from me...but I will ask her nonetheless...
I have do admit that recently that I got a little more in the mood to chase after girls... but from the 3 that I got atracted, one is dating, the other is a lesbian and the third is 9 years older (I have a problem with people much older than me...)
Answer hi victor,
like you said you are both teens, you have many years ahead of you to find the right person. i do realize that you had/have strong feelings for this girl but you will find that someone special when you least expect it.
enjoy your life now and mix with both sexes and you never know what might happen.
your right, 9 years older is a little too old for you. just keeping looking...
