How to Have an Online Relationship/Online crush - is it mutual?


A few months ago, I realized that my feelings for a male online friend had gone beyond platonic. We've been good friends for close to two years now, but I can't tell if he returns my feelings or not. He occasionally talks about female celebrities he thinks are "hot;" recently I said something like, "Men always talk about girls who look like supermodels and then get upset when us ordinary women don't think we're good enough." He replied, "Men know the difference between drooly lust and romance/flirtation. We might drool over the hot girls but when it comes to who we want to be with, it's the smart, fun, nice girls. Even me."

I'd really like to come right out and ask him if "more than friendship" is something he's interested in pursuing, but I've been hurt pretty badly in the past and it's been hard not to get insecure sometimes, and even harder not to judge his actions based on past experience with other men. Also, for more than a year I thought of him as a friend only, and I still value his friendship; I'm worried about things getting awkward if I tell him I have feelings for him and it turns out they're not mutual.

We spend several hours together pretty much every night, online only, at least so far. It's often just the two of us even though the online world we're in has thousands of other people; when we do find ourselves in groups with others, we still carry on our own private conversations. We talk about anything and everything, from serious to frivolous; occasionally we E-mail each other things we find that are funny or thought-provoking or otherwise interesting. He's bought me a few items from our online realm, always things he's known I wanted. He's told me I'm awesome. He looks out for me; when a few people from one of our online groups were giving me a hard time, he was incredibly supportive - didn't cause drama, was just there for me in a way no one's ever done before. But when I try to drop hints or feel him out about the possibility of more than friendship, I don't feel like he responds.

I know a big part is probably my own insecurity; I'm overweight, broke, and 12 years older than he is (I'll just say we're both over 35). He knows all that, and he's been very honest with me in return - I know he's no Brad Pitt, and he's as broke as I am (neither of which bothers me in the slightest). I just want to know if I should tell him my feelings, and maybe some ideas on how to handle it if they're not mutual. I've never felt like the kind of girl who needs or wants to be protected, but the way he looks out for me without being clingy makes me FEEL protected, and it turns out I like that. A lot.

Hi Susanna,

So many singles develop an online relationship platonically and casual on the internet and then develop more significant feelings for each other over time.

Please allow me ask you a few clarifying questions.  You do mention that you are both singles over 35 years old.  I'm delighted to hear that so then I know you are both mature adults and could feasibly have a real in person relationship when you desire to do so.

Do you both live within let's say 100 miles of each other?

Across the country from each other?

In different countries?

What kind of online did the two of you initially meet at? Dating site? Gaming site? Social Networking?

Please tell me a bit more about those logistical questions and then I can be your
internet dating coach for women here a bit more specifically.

Happy Dating and Relationships,

April Braswell, CHt, CHI
Professional Dating Profile Writing and Internet Matchmaking

How to Have an Online Relationship

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April Braswell


As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd edition. As a professional seminar speaker to singles about using online dating and other social media sites, I help singles to stay safe while pursuing the online soul mate in cyber dating space while in Web 2.0 world.


One of the top 2 internet dating experts.

As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd edition. CBS Radio Las Vegas GateHouse Media In Touch Weekly Boston Globe Kansas City Star Women's World

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