How to Have an Online Relationship/long distance relationship
QUESTION: Well, guess I will start saying that I know this man for 3 years now. We met in the internet and had a brief long distance relationship for 4 months, without visiting and stuff because we were both too young at the time. Well, I had some troubles meanwhile during this 3 years in my love life, always choosing the 'bad apple'. I was engaged, and my fiancée left me 5 months ago because we used to argue a lot and hurt each other physically. Since then, I've been talking to this man again, a lot, on skype and text messages and phone calls. He knows me better than anyone, all of my deepest secrets. Last week I traveled to his city to finally met him in person. We got together and started dating again, even though is long distance. I'm willing to move in with him sometime in the future, if he wants me to. I think all this time he was the one I really loved. And I really want to know what the future will bring to this relationship. Should I persist on it?
Thank you already for answering.
ANSWER: Dear Erika,
Based on your question and how you have written the question, it sounds as if relationships and being in one is hugely important to you. Despite what you may feel for the man, you just came out of an engagement, even though it was your fiancee who took off. If this man you say knows your deepest secrets, then he knows about you being engaged, and the 3 years being with the "bad apple". My advice is give it a little more time. And if this man you have strong feelings for is a man's man, he is not going to enjoy a woman who, as you write, "persist on it". Not that I'm saying you should be cold and distant, but having this guy exert a little effort by you being a little aloof will stoke his masculine flames. Let him lead the dance and you enjoy the chase. Let him make the advancements. Even if he does starts to persist and encourages you to move in with him, hold your heart and tell him that your are needing more time to "process" the engagement demise. Creating the hunt for a man is always a win win situation for a woman.
Good Luck & Happy New Year,
[an error occurred while processing this directive]---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: I got what you mean, and thanks. Thing is... I've always been in love with this guy, I was just... not brave enough to go through the distance. Now that I am, I feel like doing something more. I guess, I am too worried about my future. I want it to happen right now, and well, I'm still too young and so as he...
So... what's your advice for me to chill out and not worry about it so much?
The best way to deal with your worry is to think about not being persistent, not being inpatient and not "wanting it to happen right now" as a strategy and how you will plan to get him to really fall for you. Worry is based in fear and fear is based in loss of opportunity or potential punishment. Look at it this way.
You write, "Now that I am, I feel like doing something more." Well...you are doing something more by changing the path of energy. Have you ever heard the term "less is more"??? This term is really applicable when it comes to courtship from a woman's perspective. Think of it as a strategy to make him want you more than his favorite car or food. As I said in my first response, I'm not suggesting to turn cold, distant or totally unavailable. Just enough so that he has to work a little and become creative to have your undivided attention. Trust me...99% of men deep inside want to be the Knight in Shining Armour and have his princess fawn over him because he is strong and protective.
Instead of worrying about your future, worry about what you can do to twist his mind in positive ways. My advice is to not chill out, but turn the worry feelings into an active plan. The active plan for you is to create an environment where he wants to visit you, he wants to know your every move and he wants desperately to be in your presence. The only way to succeed is by becoming more elegant, less available and oozing class.
Here is a creative idea and we will say you came up with the idea. Pick a day and email or text him that you are going shopping for some shoes. Don't call him sying you are going shopping, but only text or email. For the plan, this will be the last contact you will have with him. After you sent him the message, go out and get your hair done and whatever you would do to make yourself feel "killer hot". Killer hot can be any type of fashion or presentation so as long as you and any man who saw you walking down the street went "WOW" who is that??? Then..go buy a pair of shoes to match the outfit and make sure there is a nice size heal to accentuate your legs. Think feminine and classy for the shoes.
Then...have a friend or the shoe store owner take a picture of you with a camera or smartphone dressed in your sexy outfit and recent make over. Make sure the picture is elegant and not too provocative, but elegant and what I call "quietly sexy". Then..once you have your pic that you think is elegant, email it to him and simply write..."Just got back from shoe shopping, bought these shoes, what do ya think???
Now sit back, kick off those new shoes, relax on the couch and let your plan take effect. Do not be the first to contact and do not respond to him if he emails or writes. The only time you respond is when he picks up the phone and calls you and then speak with him. When that happens, be aloof and after a minute or two...say "Did you get my picture of me with my new shoes?"
Even though you are miles apart, I guarantee you will hear him salivating over the phone. Remember...2013 for Erika is defined by elegance....lol...Erika the Elegant...I like that. Good Luck, Happy New Year and think....Erika the Elegant
Dr. Michel Nuccitelli
PS: And to put the icing on the cake...plan to have those shoes on with a nice dress when you are Skyping, you can lean back in your chair, raise your leg in front of the webcam and say "These are the shoes from the pic I sent you...what do you think?" He will melt before your eyes. And remember, only show leg with new shoe and nothing more. Remember, you are Erika the Elegant.