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How to Have an Online Relationship/ I wanted to get to know him but he was always so busy


So I was talking to this guy for a while and we've met up for drinks once and coffee once, just getting to know each other. We actually met off of Match. Sometimes he'll randomly text me and ask how my day is going and in one scenario he asked me so I told him about my day. I was telling him how at work this little girl had looked at me and said I was pretty. It was really cute! I work in a dental office so I was out in the reception room talking to the mom and the little girl just said that. So I was telling him about it and he replied "Thats cute. She's right though. You awe pwetty" (he spelt it like that# He will also send me pictures of him and his family. Like one night a couple weeks ago he had told me he went out with the family to celebrate his grandmothers birthday and showed me a picture of him and her together. It was sweet! Even on thanksgiving he texted me these pictures of his family and him together. Once he asked me if he could get some pictures of me because he had given me a lot. So I sent him some and one I sent him he said he liked it! .
The last time we hung out, I tried to give him a kiss on the cheek goodnight and it seemed like he went for my lips.

I have tried to hang out with him so many times and last week I had asked him about hanging out last weekend and he just kept saying how busy he was and that it was annoying how busy he is. He said he was sorry and stuff but I took it as he doesn't wanna hang out with me. He's been making these excuses for a while. I just kinda brushed him off and said I guess I can take a hint. But he never answered. I even wrote him an email and apologized to him for seeming like I was rude and stuff # i felt really bad the other day# I told him if we never talk again to have a merry christmas and happy year, but I got no reply back. I don't understand what I did wrong because all the other times he seemed fine and even told me I wasn't being a pain for asking him. Especially since he said he really wanted to hang out with me. He knows how I feel about him but I felt so frustrated the last couple weeks because he kept making excuses it seemed. Now I'm just scared I lost touch with him. Should I just let him go and find someone else? I've felt very close to him, like there was a big connection/spark between us. So it makes me sad to think that I'll never be able to speak to him again. I mean how are you supposed to get to know someone if you never hang out with them?

Dear Jenny,
If you had not written this sentence in your question, "So I was talking to this guy for a while and we've met up for drinks once and coffee once, just getting to know each other." I would have thought he has tricked you, as many do, into thinking he was someone he is not. The fact that you have actually met him, we can rule out "online identity deception".

Being solution focused, I would recommend you cease from all contact with him and leave the proverbial door unlocked. His avoidance of you is either one of three things. Remember, for all humans, we avoid people, places and things out of fear. The three avoidance reason options: 1. He has skeletons in his closet he does not want you to know about (i.e. married, engaged, attached, etc.). 2. He is really who he says he is, but takes a "snails approach" to relationships. 3. He feels you have been too pushy and believes in the traditional dynamic of a man being the leader in initiating contacts and the courtship process.

Hoping it is not option #1, I would stop all contact and send him one last correspondence, online or hard copy, a Happy New Years 2013 greetings card wishing him a happy new year. In the correspondence, also include 2-3 sentences of why you will respectfully not be contacting him again. As stated, only make it 2-3 sentences and no more. In your closing, write one sentence informing him that you wish him well and he can always contact you if he would like to move to the next step. If he does contact you, the first order of business is to request meeting him at his home so you can confirm and rule out option #1 from above.

Good luck & Happy New Year,

Dr. Nuccitelli  

How to Have an Online Relationship

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Dr. Michael Nuccitelli


Onling dating safety,cyber bullying, cyber stalking, cybercrime, cyber terrorism, online sexual predators, child predators, Internet safety, psychopathology, criminal & forensic psychology and cyber psychology. I cannot answer questions on the technological aspects of Information and Communications Technology.


Dr. Michael Nuccitelli is a New York State licensed psychologist and certified forensic consultant. He completed his doctoral degree in clinical psychology in 1994 from the Adler School of Professional Psychology in Chicago, Illinois. In 1997, Dr. Nuccitelli became a licensed psychologist in New York State (License # 013009.) In 2006, he received the Certified Forensic Consultant designation from the American College of Forensic Examiners (Identification # 103110.) Dr. Nuccitelli has developed a theoretical construct, iPredator, which encapsulates all online users who use Information and Communications Technology to abuse, harm, steal from or disparage other online users. His theory of iPredator is recognized by the American College of Forensic Examiners International.Dr. Nuccitelli has expertise in Online Dating Safety.

American College of Forensic Examiners International.

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Dr. Nuccitelli is a New York State Licensed Psychologist and certified forensic consultant designated by the American College of Forensic Examiners International.

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