How to Have an Online Relationship/Online Boyfriend
Hello Dr. Nuccitelli,
I am not sure if this might create an immediate prejudice or idea of us, but I am 17 years old and I met my current boyfriend online. He is also 17.
We started talking casually; neither of us expected anything would come out from it, but now we've been together for almost two months (which I know is not a lot). We talk every single day on Kik (since he convinced me to add him), from when he wakes up early and texts me good morning to when I text him in the afternoon after I finish all my homework (he skipped a year in high school so he is now in college). We then talk all night usually until around 2 in the morning, and we have really great conversations, from serious ones about our relationship to just goofing off.
We both have really strong values about our family and beliefs (whether religious or not). We can literally talk about anything, but we don't do any sexting or anything of that nature (we both agreed not to, in fact he was the first one to bring it up because he doesn't want any of that until after he's married). We still send normal and/or funny pictures of ourselves though, and we have talked on the phone and skyped.
He is really sweet, loving, respectful and funny; honestly I was really skeptical at first because I know it can be dangerous to meet people this way, but I really think he is different.
Obviously neither of us wanted to tell our parents about us yet as it is way too early, but just a couple of days ago he accidentally called me too early in the morning and my mom saw my phone. She started asking me questions and I had to tell her about him, however I didn't tell the truth about how we met. I hate lying to my mom and she was really hurt because I hadn't told her about him before, so if she finds out that I lied to her again I fear she will have a hard time trusting me again.
My boyfriend and I both discussed this; he feels really bad about what he did, and he told me that we could either make up a story about how we met that is the closest to the truth as possible (which we did just in case), or I could tell her the whole truth. He said that he didn't want to lie anymore either and he even offered to talk to my parents because he wants them to get to trust him. (I think the fact that he is willing to do all this for me really shows he's a good person and does care about us). We both, however, are really scared that my parents won't understand if I tell them the truth of how we met, and in consequence we won't be able to speak again, since my parents have their own ideas about online dating.
I really want to get to know him better (even though we tell everything to each other, I always feel like I can learn more about him) and we already talked about meeting in person sometime, maybe this coming summer. I know that we are young and might pass as "stupid teenagers", but I believe he does care about me, as I do for him. Please help what should we do?
I certainly understand your "pickle" in both wanting to be honest with your parents, but concerned how they will interpret how you met your guy online. First thing is first and please know I'm advising you not as a "stupid teenager", but as I would advise anyone, young or old, involved in an online relationship. For the first meeting, you have to promise you meet in a public place like a mall or something, you tell your parents or a trusted family member or older friend. Here is my quick online dating article link to read and save... Online Dating Safety Tips: http://www.ipredator.co/ipredator/internet-safety/online-dating-safety-tips/
Now the steps for you and him to take before telling your parents the 100% truth...
1. If you have a printer or can find one, print out my safety tips and 2 other articles on online dating dating safety.
2. Print out 1 article by doing a Google search on Internet Safety Tips. Read and highlight the 4 articles.
3. Then write up a quick bullet list of what your have not done, what you would never do and that you would never meet him or any other person you met online without them knowing. Also be sure to put at the top of the "would never do" part of the list the agreement of never sexting.
4. Now...you and your boyfriend plan a date and time where both of you will sit down with your parents at the same time to present the whole story. It is important that the two of you do it at the same time so you can Skype each other during or immediately after the discussion to introduce them to him and you to them. If he is away at college, the Skype 1st parent video meeting may only be with your parents. Either way, plan to both be dressed presentable and lol...mature and responsible looking.
5. Lastly, if you guys can, print this AllExperts contact out to show them as well to illustrate that you consulted an expert. And you did this because you love them, want to be 100% truthful and you do not want them to pre-judge the relationship because it started out online.
6. Most important is to have your highlighted articles in hand when you tell them so they know that you are handling this online relationship using you brain and not your heart.
And if all else fails and your parents are still uncomfortable with the whole thing, you can tell them to contact Dr. Nuccitelli, me, to discuss for free any of their concerns. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org and I'm a NYS licensed psychologist with expertise in Internet safety. Don't worry because New York has got Wisconsin's back!!! Good Luck and Doc Nuccitelli is out here in cyberspace if you or your parents need a listening ear. Good luck and honesty is always, always, always the right path.
Dr. Michael Nuccitelli