How to Have an Online Relationship/Tight friendhip or more?

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Just to describe him, he's not like most other guys. He's wise, modest, thoughtful, very decent, a fine gentleman you can say.

-He never was one to judge me and form an opinion about me from the moment we met, like most people do, like I do. He was all up for knowing who I really was.

-We've been communicating through e-mail a lot (we're not in the same country). I've heard guys in general absolutely detest typing! But he he'd always reply back with the longest answers ever, with enthusiasm and light hearted humor, even though it would be a day, 2 or 3 later (he's a university student)

-He'd most of the time ask questions at the end of his e-mail, to stretch the conversation.

-He almost always agrees with many things I say, and will then share a very similar personal experience in his life with me

-He supports me in absolutely anything I do. Ex: I used to write a story about 7 years ago, and he urged me to continue it, stuff like that.

-He has talked about his relationship with a sibling (I actually 1st told him about my relationship with my sibling, I didn't ask him anything, but he just offered it up)

-He said he enjoyed talking with me because he feels we can connect on a mental level.

-He asks me about my current life, how exams are going and all.

-If he sees something, he asks me to google it or watch it. And If I told for ex: about a an awesome online game I've been playing, he'd say he'll check it out. He likes to share experiences.

-He has never ever flirted with me, he's just not the kind of guy that expresses himself in that way like most guys. He called me sweet just once for a genuine complement I gave him. Out of experience, almost 9/10 guys that have flirted with me saying I'm pretty or this etc, ended up ignoring me just a few days later. I for one never flirt with someone I like either, but I may give a generous compliment about the person himself, not his looks. So I now basically don't take flirting as a serious sign of interest, it's mostly a just-for-the-time- being kind of thing, it seems.

-We hadn't talked for about the past 2 months because I had to focus on an exam. So just recently I said hi and asked what he did over the holidays.Apparently, he is SUPER busy with exams, and said he barely had time for anything. But despite that, he replied to my e-mail telling me about how he spent the winter holidays with much detail. And he didn't just stop there like any other extremely busy person would, like I did during my exams before. He wanted to further continue talking during this hectic time in his life by asking me questions from his end.

-What sometimes does bother me is that I do see him online but he doesn't reply maybe till a day or 2 or 3 later..

So, is this the making of just a great friendship? Or is this the kind of thing but borders into the popular theory that 'men and women cannot be just friends'. As in, is he paying much attention to keep in touch for so long because he probably has feelings for me?

Answer
Dear Crim-son,

I apologize for this response, but it is the only response I can offer you based on the limited amount of information you provide other than his historical pattern of being respectful, decent, supportive, encouraging and engaging. Given you and he are in an online friendship, there is no way to truly know what his motivation is unless you ask him and you identify what your motivation is as well. Your comment and questions, "So, is this the making of just a great friendship? Or is this the kind of thing but borders into the popular theory that 'men and women cannot be just friends'. As in, is he paying much attention to keep in touch for so long because he probably has feelings for me?" is confusing because you begin your questions first by illustrating via bullet points what most women would define as a "great guy". You even go on to write, "I for one never flirt with someone I like either, but I may give a generous compliment about the person himself, not his looks." This statement illustrates that you and he even share common traits regarding how you both respond to interpersonal relationships. No disrespect to you, but most confusing to me is this comment you write, "borders into the popular theory that 'men and women cannot be just friends'". He has been friends with you and has been respectful to not cross boundaries other than being a great online friend and friend who happens to be the opposite sex. So you have an online friend who is a wonderful man and always encouraging and respectful, and you suspect he has a hidden agenda because you see him online but he does not reply til a day or 2 or 3 later??? I think your first course of action can be, and a creative one too, is to print out or copy your question here along with my response, send it to him, and then ask the "question of the hour" What gives? As I stated in the beginning of my response, there is now way to assess his intentions or motivations from what you have written other than saying he sounds like a great guy. And because you share similar traits as him and he continues to connect with you, common sense would lead me to assume you are a great gal too!!!! Good Luck & God Bless Ms. Crim-son,

Regards,
Michael Nuccitelli, Psy.D.
NYS Licensed Psychologist  

How to Have an Online Relationship

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Dr. Michael Nuccitelli

Expertise

Onling dating safety,cyber bullying, cyber stalking, cybercrime, cyber terrorism, online sexual predators, child predators, Internet safety, psychopathology, criminal & forensic psychology and cyber psychology. I cannot answer questions on the technological aspects of Information and Communications Technology.

Experience

Dr. Michael Nuccitelli is a New York State licensed psychologist and certified forensic consultant. He completed his doctoral degree in clinical psychology in 1994 from the Adler School of Professional Psychology in Chicago, Illinois. In 1997, Dr. Nuccitelli became a licensed psychologist in New York State (License # 013009.) In 2006, he received the Certified Forensic Consultant designation from the American College of Forensic Examiners (Identification # 103110.) Dr. Nuccitelli has developed a theoretical construct, iPredator, which encapsulates all online users who use Information and Communications Technology to abuse, harm, steal from or disparage other online users. His theory of iPredator is recognized by the American College of Forensic Examiners International.Dr. Nuccitelli has expertise in Online Dating Safety.

Organizations
American College of Forensic Examiners International.

Publications
The Forensic Examiner

Education/Credentials
Dr. Nuccitelli is a New York State Licensed Psychologist and certified forensic consultant designated by the American College of Forensic Examiners International.

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