How to Have an Online Relationship/Move or stay?


Hi Sonya Snyder,

Basically I have been in an online relationship with a man from America for over a year now. I'm British but am now living in Ireland. I really like this guy he was friends with my ex boyfriend. I need help in deciding to pursue further education or move to live with him. I have talked, skyped, and regularly chatted to him online we've exchanged photos too. But the thing is he doesn't want me to work or study as he said he has traditional values. I also have traditional values too, recently my anxiety has been getting worse at the thought of not meeting him. Also I don't really want to visit the guy I like then have to return home. My family aren't understanding of it either which makes me more nervous I'm moving back to the the UK for more educational opportunities. I've been feeling so physically ill for the last few days about not being with him. I have no idea on what to do he want me to move either in January or February.
Also my mum she only wants me stay around because she wants to control me so I can baby sit my six and seven year old half brother and sister while she can go out all the time. I don't really have a back-up plan if things were to go wrong.

Oh, and my age is 20 and the guy I care about is 23 and is a software engineer.

I know I'm young, but I don't really ever meet people I'm fond of and I really want to be with him. But I just feel like there are things holding me back.

I really need some advice on this. Please could you help?

Hi Charlotte -

Have you ever met this person?

How close is he with your X?

Do they still talk?

Does he tell him about you?

To forbid you or even ask you not to continue your studies to better yourself and follow your dreams, should be a HUGE red flag. Notice that  he hasn't asked what you want - he tells you what he wants. NEVER get in bondage to this personality type. They can kill your dreams and your life.

The last thing ANYONE needs is a control freak. In America with this man, you would be his captive, not his girlfriend.

True gentlemen in love don't act this way - they would love you for you, and would encourage you to follow your dreams. Even help you get there. Not so in this case.

How's this direct  advice? RUN to your studies and have no further contact with this likely sociopath/narcissist controlling personality. I hope he doesn't know how to contact you once you are back home. Make sure he can't.  

I would also go get counseling to find out what it is that makes you feel this was appropriate on any level, so you can better protect yourself in the future. A mature and healthy woman wouldn't ever be comfortable being drawn into this kind of manipulation.  

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Sonya Snyder


All questions from how to, to warnings about how not to communicate on line. Offering best and worst case scenarios and suggestions for being safe, and succeeding in, on line dating.


21-year study into the minds of abnormal behavior, and also an on-line dating specialist in the psychological profiles of this new form of dating. Predators abound on the internet - How to spot them is a specialty of mine for readers concerned about who they are conversing with. One in 16 people is a sociopath in the USA - the vast majority are not murderers, but are predatory cons who prey on unsuspecting children, men and women for primarily money, sex and other forms of manipulation and control. Serial sociopathic con artists and offenders in everyday life are responsible for many forms of financial, emotional, physical, psychological and environmental abuse, child abuse, date rape, and domestic violence, which costs the USA $4 Billion dollars annually to repair damage to victims. I am an advocate for safer surfing through on-line dating.

BA in Journalism, and completing MA in Forensic Psychology, specializing in abnormal psychological profiles. Detailing a thesis for a nation-wide school age/classroom program to protect students from future serial offender interaction, by giving them the insight and knowledge to be able to "spot" the signs and classic methods of operation of such individuals who function around us on dating sites and in our every day lives.

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